Do you know what the Metro-North has besides fancy new seats? An adorable conductor who plays the harmonica and shows off some literal hat tricks who says, "I was born to be clown, but I found this job instead." Check it out: more ›

According to the Post, conductor Thomas Christopher, 35, allegedly got into a verbal argument with the 18-year-old boy aboard the southbound R train as it traveled near the 36th Street station in Astoria around 3:50 a.m. today (DNAInfo claims the incident occurred around 11 p.m. last night). The conductor lost his cool and allegedly punched the teen. Christopher, an MTA employee since March 2007, was arrested on misdemeanor assault charges. more ›

Former subway conductor Harry Nugent was much beloved by New York City straphangers. He told jokes, created unique commentary for commuters, and added some extra valuable information as each stop approached. Check out some vintage video of Harry doing his thing, from a documentary made in the '90s: more ›

In October, PATH conductor Michael Wilson took the no-food-on-the-train rule into his own hands, taking down two teens who were trying to sell candy on his train. He threw the box of candy out of the window and put one kid into a headlock, which landed him an assault charge. Now, the Post reports that he was fired in November after disciplinary hearing. more ›

Musician/programmer Alexander Chen has created what he's calling Conductor, which "recreates the New York subway system as a musical instrument." He says the below videos are works in progress, and that he'll eventually "import an actual subway schedule from the MTA’s subway API and have subway trains triggering the performance." Eventually, there will be a user-driven iPad version, but for now, check it out... the subway, unsurprisingly, sounds pretty depressing. more ›

We all know the G Train certainly has its fair share of service issues every weekend, and almost definitely does not care about you. But that doesn't mean that its conductors aren't trying to do their part to make your late night schlep home a bit more enjoyable. Which would explain this conductor's movie-commercial-voiceover vocal magic that one straphanger caught on video at the Bergen street stop last night. We'd take this over that abrasive robot lady any day. more ›

A former assistant NJT conductor pleaded guilty yesterday to reselling bundles of tickets and pocketing $3,500. Terance Campbell, 34, resold the tickets between January 2007 and September 2009. The assistant prosecutor said, "When a public employee commits a crime related to his job, he creates two victims — his employer and society." Just remember, when buying tickets to Rahway, the emotionless processes of the ticket machines are the only things you can trust. more ›

The wackiness surrounding this weekend’s G Train service (no it won’t run, yes it will) is sure to make for lots of memorable moments, none better than this one we were tipped off to via Twitter. It’s audio someone recorded of the station stop announcements, performed (and I do mean performed) by one very classy motorman on the green snail line. “My 4am G Train voyage from Smith/9th to Metro was made beautiful thanks to this,” wrote the audio engineer on Poorly Washed Silverware. Listen here. more ›

The MTA is once again seeking to save money by expanding the practice of running trains without a conductor. The One Person Train Operation program, or by its robot name, "OPTO," has been previously stopped in the courts after objections were raised by the Transit Workers Union. The only instance an arbitrator has allowed the OPTO plan is late nights and weekends on the G line. Now the MTA would like to expand it to 7, L, J and M lines as well. A TWU spokesman told the Daily News, "Of course, this is one of management's demands. This is something the MTA has been pursuing the last two or three bargaining rounds and we continue to completely disagree with them." The last fight between the two was in 2006; it's unclear if the same arbiters will rule in the union's favor again or if robojudges have since ascended within the court system. more ›

It's not just paranoid Luddites who fear the sinister agenda of the new robotic L trains; train conductors, whom the MTA tried unsuccessfully to replace with robots, are still worried their jobs are in jeopardy. One "wild-eyed, grey-haired" conductor recently told Infrastructurist what he thinks of his new robot co-worker: "The last thing the public wants is to be stuck underground, getting mugged, with a robot conductor. People need people. I can call the cops, I can intervene. Last month I had to break up a knife fight. Well, I didn’t so much break it up but I called it in. A robot can’t do that." Another conductor struck a more fearful tone, "They could easily replace humans but don’t put my name next to it because I’ll be the first to lose my job to the robots. I’m definitely scared that could happen." Better hope the robots weren't reading your lips when you said that, foolish human! Sounds like someone better invest in some robot insurance. more ›

Ever wonder what that mysterious delay on your subway line was caused by? It could have been MTA worker Michael Martin sneaking away from his duties to write down the latest line in his screenplay (or for the latest screenplay he was hired to write, New Jack City 2). NY1 reports on Martin's rise from the underground to the mainstream.

Martin was a subway conductor, and after totaling his car in an accident, entered a screen-writing competition, hoping to win enough money to buy a new one. more ›