Oh sure, it's easy to find the cocktail of your dreams out there in internetland. But what if what you really want is the cocktail of your nightmares? Where's the cocktail to sate the the implant chip inside your hand? To that end, check out the latest, terrifying-looking internet sensation: the Alien Brain Hemorrhage.
Cocktail Of Your Nightmares: Alien Brain Hemorrhage
What To Drink This Weekend: The Sci-Fi Pickleback At Do Or Dine
Behold: the Spherical Pickleback at Do or Dine in Bed-Stuy—a drink that captures molecular gastronomy at both its highest and lowest points.
Video: Cocktail Typewriter Lets You Taste The Words
Even if cocktail culture is destroying bartending, perhaps the gadget above can inspire a new bartyping trend? Designer Morskoiboy has created a drink-concocting typewriter that converts words into cocktails. You can read all about how he made his invention here, which involved pumps, pipes and multicolored syrups. Better yet, you can watch a video demonstration of how it works below. As Daily What points out, it's entirely reasonable that one could rig up the letters of familiar drinks to match their individual components. If this means we might be able to finally make a Bacon Rum Milkshake cocktail, then count us in.
Market Fresh: Drinking With Basil
Welcome back to our series Market Fresh, in which we take a look at one ingredient that's showing up in the city's Greenmarkets right now and tell you what to do with it. Last week, we looked at strawberries, and today, we have a very special cocktail edition of Market Fresh, featuring booze and basil.
Your Face Is A Mess, But That's Nothing A Little Drinky-Poo Can't Fix
Lots of ridiculous things happen in the Meatpacking District. Girls defy gravity and cobblestone streets in their towering heels, Jesse Camp pees off of hotel rooftops, and just last week, Tommy Hilfiger built a twee, temporary cottage there. So it really comes as no surprise that fancy-pants nightclub Provocateur has started selling "skin-enhancing" cocktails to its beauty-obsessed, Botox-loving crowd.
Who's Crazier: Mixologists, Or People Who Pay $15 for Drinks?
Perhaps the only thing sillier than an unbearably serious bartender who calls himself a "mixologist" is the customer who's eager to pay upwards of $15 for a drink. To be sure, if you've got the money, an expertly-made cocktail at, say, Milk & Honey or Death & Company can, under the right circumstances, transcend such trivial concerns as "price." But the city's uptight cocktail culture is certainly ripe for parody, and so Thomas Chadwick, the owner of the superb Williamsburg cocktail den Dram, has plucked the low-hanging fruit. Here's his funny video skewering both pretentious sides of the bar.
The Mel Gibson, a "Bi-Polar Cocktail," Debuts at Oak Room
Okay, fine. We know this is a gimmicky marketing stunt, but just look at the effort the publicist put into this pictogram! Jumping deftly aboard the Mel Gibson train wreck express, The Oak Room is now selling a cocktail named after the unhinged actor, who's currently starring in a series of increasingly disturbing phone calls recorded by his ex-girlfriend/mother of his baby daughter. The Mel Gibson is described as a "bi-polar cocktail" made with Van Gogh Vodka, Dutch Gin, vermouth, club soda, and pickled cocktail onion juice.
Cops Conduct "Nutcracker" Busts, Nab Bronx Sellers
Authorities busted Bronx bodegas for selling "nutcracker"—a sweet cocktail illegally sold to underage drinkers at delis, convenience stores and barbershops across the city. Cops arrested two bodega employees and the state suspended the beer licenses at two Mott Haven delis after an under-aged, undercover auxiliary cop was able to purchase the homemade drinks. "This is so outrageous, we are going to seek revocation," said State Liquor Authority Deputy Chief Executive Officer Michael Jones.
Is The City Cracking Down On Raw Egg-Infused Cocktails?
Protein shakes aren't the only drinks that contain raw eggs. A number of high-end bars and lounges have started using raw egg whites and raw egg yolks in their cocktails, and according to the Times, drink makers believe they are under attack from the city due to overblown salmonella concerns. Rumors of the raw egg crackdown stem from a Jan. 19 health code violation leveled against SoHo's Pegu Club because a barkeep allegedly didn't tell a patron his drink included raw eggs.
Kids Get Drunk Off "Nutcracker"
You got to hand it to kids — they always find interesting ways to get bent. New York City teens are apparently buying a sugary concoction of fruit punch mixed with vodka, white rum, or tequila called "Nutcracker." The sweet drinks and their frozen counterpart, "Nemo," are sold for $5 or $10 per Styrofoam cup at bodegas and barbershops, and according to the Daily News, they are quite popular among young folks. "They are poppin'. They get you sauced," said Shaquel, a 15-year-old who declined to give his last name. "Kids like them. You don't need ID to get them. It is like your first step toward drinking liquor."
New Menus at Scarpetta, The JakeWalk, Dokebi
Click on the images for details on Scarpetta's new five course tasting menu, The JakeWalk's new fall food and cocktail menu, and Dokebi's Korean tacos and weekend brunch.
Inside Mayahuel, the East Village's Dark New Tequila Cocktail Den
Undeterred by their Kafkaesque struggles with the local community board over the stellar cocktail lounge Death & Co., two of that bar's owners have boldly branched out with a second establishment on the very same street. Named Mayahuel after the Aztec goddess of fertility, this cozy, bi-level temple to tequila and mezcal is unofficially open now. The menu by cocktail craftsman Phil Ward consists of almost two dozen mezcal and tequila cocktails ($13 each), plus a few beer cocktails, some punch, and sangria.
"Miracle on the Hudson" Pilot Gets Drink
New York's Sully fever shows no signs of breaking; or at least businesses show no sign of giving up trying to cash in on pilot Chesley Sullenberger's life-saving emergency landing in the Hudson River last month. Village pub the Half Pint is in the papers this morning because of their new cocktail, "The Sully," which consists of two shots of Grey Goose vodka and "a splash of water." Carla Iny of Brooklyn tells the Post, "It's a classy drink for a classy man. It's cool and smooth—like Sully." It's only a matter of time before all this adulation goes to Sully's head and he ends up living in Malibu hosting his own reality show like Pimp My Plane or something. Oh well, at least Sully fans now have have something to get wasted on while partying in their "Sully is my copilot" t-shirt.
Happy Repeal Day, Let's Honor History with Booze
The Daily News talked to some bartenders and alkies about today's significance. 35-year-old Daria Dennhardt from the Bronx said she can't wait to squeeze into The Back Room for the "classic cocktails," adding, "Thank God it's still legal." Can't you just smell it on her breath when you read that? As a side note, have fun tomorrow with this website that calculates the calories in how much you imbibed, then shows you the (shocking) the equivalent in food. [Via Grub Street]
Death & Company's New Drink Menu Revealed
True, they didn't invite us to their New Year's Party (yet!), but embattled East Village cocktail warren Death & Company can use all the help they can get, so it'd be wrong to ignore their delicious-looking beverage menu simply out of spite. In fact, we're willing to overlook the slight if owner David Kaplan would kindly messenger over a Pete’s Word, their new cocktail made with Laphroaig Single Malt Scotch, Luxardo Maraschino Liqueur, Green Chartreuse, Fresh Lime Juice. Word indeed. Second only to the now members-only Milk and Honey, Death & Co. is the dark and inviting prohibition-era cocktail lounge you can actually get into, so let's hope the new year can bring a happy ending to Kaplan's ridiculous hassles with the local community board. [Cocktail Menu PDF, via Grub Street.]
Plaza's Oak Room Poised to Reopen After Face Lift
Originally designed by Plaza Hotel architect Henry Hardenbergh in 1907 as a men’s bar, The Oak Room closed during Prohibition and re-opened in 1934 as a full-service restaurant. The interior is a city Landmark, as is the Plaza Hotel, which reopened in March (after extensive renovations) as a hotel and luxury condominium, where some tenants complain of loneliness. The Palm Court, that other famous eatery in The Plaza, also reopened in March to derisive reviews from Bloomberg News and the Post.
Openings Roundup: Clover Club, Sakae Sushi, Forge
Clover Club: This new Cobble Hill lounge has no connection to this Clover Club “located in beautifull [sic] Mark, Illinois,” so leave your green face paint at home. The atmosphere here, as evinced by the photo, is old world charm and sophistication, hearkening back to an era when men dueled with pistols, not text messages, and the curse of the Cosmo had not yet darkened New York. Small plates include oysters on the half shell, steak tar-tar, and molasses and cumin rubbed chicken drumettes with roquefort fondue. Though the focus is all about "the craft of The Cocktail," owner Julie Reiner stresses that her fastidious drink selection isn't about pretension but inclusion: "Our goal is to demystify the secret world of fizzes, sours, daisies and punches in the hopes that everyone has a good time at Clover Club and learns a little something along the way." Drinking and learning; we'll not rest until we master that art. 210 Smith Street, (718) 855-7939.

