Why wasn't this monkey in the care of a zoo or someone who was qualified to care for monkeys? The Feds are nothing but a bunch of incompetent buffoons...

With the U.N. General Assembly in session, the city has been hopping with dignitaries. On Wednesday, Mayor Bloomberg and Schools Chancellor Joel Klein were praised by President Bush at P.S. 76 in the Bronx. The President noted, "The city tackled the challenges of underperforming schools in such a way that it's become a model for urban schools. This achievement is a hopeful sign for other school districts across America. New York City can do......

If recent viewings of Grizzly Man and Rescue Dawn have you intrigued with Werner Herzog's work, check out his legendary Fitzcarraldo about Klaus Kinski trying to bring opera music to the Peruvian jungle, which is now playing at IFC Center with a new print. If you ever wondered why Herzog referred to himself as the "Conquistador of the Useless," Fitzcarraldo is the project that really encouraged his brilliant madness. It's one of the greatest potential......

THEATER: The fall theater season gets curiouser and curiouser with the start of The Alice in Wonderland Puppet Festival at HERE. (The festival, which is not recommended for children under twelve, will feature a tea party after every show.) Tonight curiouser & curiouser fuses text from Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll’s diary entries and his muse Alice Liddell’s memoirs to try to decipher what destroyed their unique friendship. - John Del......

Today on the Gothamist Newsmap: a person under a train at Prospect Park and Windsor Pl. in Brooklyn, an attempted bank robbery on Jerome Ave. in the Bronx, and a successful bank robbery on East 23rd St. in Manhattan. The Fire Dept. is responding to a scaffolding fire that broke out at the Deutsche Bank building, which is being deconstructed on Liberty St. downtown. One firefighter has already been evacuated from the building and......

The Newark police arrested a third suspect in the murders of three young residents. The third suspect is 15 years old, and he will be arraigned in Family Court on charges of murder, felony murder, attempted murder and other counts, according to the Star-Ledger. He is the third suspect in custody; another 15-year-old is was arrested on Thursday and as was 28-year-old Jose Lachira Carranza, who pleaded not guilty to the crimes. The police......

Souvenirs are usually inanimate doodads, so we must update the story of the man who smuggled a pygmy marmoset from Peru under his hat. The monkey attracted attention not from airport screeners in Lima or in Fort Lauderdale (where Spirit Airlines Flight 180 connected) but from passengers on the flight to Laguardia who noticed the monkey hanging from the man's ponytail. Our favorite part of the story is how other passengers apparently asked the man......

Emergency newswires are reporting that Port Authority cops requested that the Emergency Services Unit hustle over to Laguardia's main terminal this afternoon - and with a cage - because there was a monkey on the loose inside the airport. The animal apparently arrived at Gate B6 on Spirit Airlines' Flight 180. We have so many questions about this incident. Was the monkey traveling as a passenger? Was it a helper monkey like Homer Simpson's Mojo?......

Starting at 7 PM tonight, the Housing Works Bookstore and Café will host the release party for the fourth issue of the New York-based Alimentum, a literary magazine focused exclusively on food and eating. Since issue #4 contains a special feature about bananas, free banana splits will be served after tonight’s readings from five writers: Diana Abu-Jabar, Gary Allen, Robin Hirsch, Joanne Jacobson, and Scott Seward Smith. Like much of what appears in the scholarly......

Any drink whose roots are founded in appealing to sailors is worth a second look. Pisco, the most widely consumed spirit in Peru, Chile and Boliva, is a brandy that was first made popular by sailors that transported products between the colonies and Spain. This liquor, distilled from grapes, may be a bone of contention between the aforementioned countries – all claiming it to be their national drink; however the one thing we can all......

Mo-mo-mo Momofuku! David Chang and company is moving the Noodle Bar into bigger digs down the street to make room for the new Momofuku Ko. Eater's got the details. And now, says Chang, "just shut up and eat." Brooklyn Record visits Peru via Mancora on Smith Street and found "a delicious and hearty feast, extremely friendly service, and drinks that left us thirsty for more." The Amateur Gourmet visits Stand. In a word? Forgettable. Remember......

Bruni starts off the new year by two-starring Drew Nieoporent's Vietnamese/Asian-influenced Mai House. He finds the menu "rife with surprises and out-and-out delights." Chef and co-partner is Michael Huynh, formerly of Bao 111. Bruni doesn't like the sides or desserts, but finds most appetizers and entrees pleasing. And Eater starts the year by putting the money on one star, but taking two themselves. Well, they got half of it right. In $25 and Under, Peter......

Peeing on the street won't just get you arrested or a summons - it may lead to your deportation. That is, you'll be deported if you weren't supposed to be in the country in the first place. When police found David Rivera Cruzado urinating on a Queens street, they happened to run his fingerprints in the system and found that he had been deported in 1999. The Daily News reports that Cruzado pleaded guilty to......

Here at What’s Fresh the goal is to throw the spotlight onto ingredients that are at peak ripeness right now in the short window that is their local New York metro area existence. Sure, you can get yourself plums during most times of the year from somewhere in the world, or asparagus year-round as the sourcing moves from California to Mexico and finally to Peru just before it comes up fresh for us again in......

MOVIES: Seriously, like there is anything else to see this weekend besides Snakes on a Plane. C'mon, you know you wanna. Everytime // Everywhere // $10.75(ish) THEATER: One of the few things the Fringe Festival doesn't have, somewhat surprisingly, is a full-fledged outdoor production. If you want to take advantage of good weather this weekend, check out Pulse Ensemble Theatre's urban adaptation of Romeo and Juliet. Directed by Alexa Kelly and performed on a small......

Max Makowski, Writer/Director...

Cold? So are we. But never fear -- here are some booze-filled events coming up to warm your cockles, or whatever else needs warming: - January 21: Five at Five Fridays at Michael's presents "The Unique Expressions of Pinot Noir from Around The World". Every Friday at 5:00 Michael's sommeliers choose five wines from their wine list and offer an unlimited five glass flight for one hour at and around the bar. Chef Robert Ribant......

Clearly the allure of 50 cent pastrami sandwiches you could feed a family of four with and 40 cents for some incredible matzoh ball soup is powerful, as New Yorkers lined up along Second Avenue for the Second Avenue Deli's 50th anniversary celebration. The Daily News spoke to people on line, and one mentioned overnighting some Second Avenue fare to his mother in Peru: "My mom cut up the pastrami sandwich and gave it to......