Just What Valentine's Day Needed: Hissing Cockroaches

"Ohhh yeah, crawl a little slower baby. Let me see that thorax! WOO!"

It's almost time to commit that compulsory act of capitalism to show the person you're sleeping with that you'd spiral into a dark cellar of self-remorse if they ever left you! Sure, you could pick something up for Valentine's Day at your favorite, locally-owned and operated bodega, but to make the holiday really special, you need an exoskeleton. This year, the Bronx Zoo is yet again charging $10 to name one of their Madagascar hissing cockroaches, but for $15 you can buy an edible "Cocoa-Roach." 100% guaranteed to do something to your libido!

Though we're kind of bummed that the Cocoa-Roaches aren't actual chocolate-covered roaches, just fancy chocolate from a local chocolatier, we imagine that some Hershey's syrup and a trip to your building's trash room could do the trick. All of the proceeds go to the Wildlife Conservation Society, which should be a deal-closer after an enchanting evening at White Castle .

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By Christopher Robbins in Arts & Entertainment on January 25, 2012 9:09 AM

Comments [rss]

jisnotused

what if I don't have a girlfriend? Can I buy one and make out with it

Elizabeth Stockwell

I was going to comment but then the thought of cockroaches anywhere near me sent me into hot tears of fear and insanity

FU Boy

Spitting cobras make an excellent valentine's day pet.

If your girl's into that kind of thing...

ennuipoet

If I really want to find a giant roach, I can just wait for the cats to bring one to me they found in the laundry room.

scoboco

Whoa, they have 58 THOUSAND of these suckers up there!!! Are they all in one "cage"? I think someone should pull a Bronx Zoo Cobra and set them free, if only for the twitter feeds...