Jon Stewart: SOPA Will Drive Us To Libraries "Like A Common Masturbator"

The Daily Show featured not one but two segments on SOPA last night, and with Wikipedia "dark," Jon Stewart had a dickens of a time figuring out just what the hell SOPA means. (What was he supposed to do to learn things, "go to the library like a common masturbator?") And so Stew-Beef reluctantly turned to the "notoriously unreliable news" for answers, discovering, to his horror, that this law could send violators to jail for up to five years for merely streaming copyrighted material.

Later, Stewart shows a montage of Representatives all but admitting they don't actually understand SOPA, because they're not nerds—including one Congressman who actually suggests they "bring in the nerds" to explain it to them. An incredulous Stewart retorts, "Really? Nerds? You know I think the word you're actually looking for is "experts," so your laws don't backfire and BREAK THE INTERNET."

Later on in the show, talented new correspondent Jessica Williams files a funny report while on the run from the law, having made a criminal YouTube video of herself singing, "All the Single Ladies" in her bedroom. It's not the Beyonce song that violated SOPA, she explains, but rather the TV she accidentally left on in the background showing Newhart. Asked if that's actually a copyright violation, Williams explains, "Of course. Why would anyone buy a Newhart DVD when they can watch my video and see Newhart with no sound for free?"