This could be you! (Goodfella's)

Back in the day, you could learn how to make pizza with a minimum-wage job in a dead-end suburban town. But these days, if you want to do it right, you apparently have to sign up for a five-day, $2,800 "Pizza School" conveniently located in...Staten Island.

Yes, that's right, Goodfella's Pizza School of New York is open for business, offering weekly courses for aspiring pizzaiolos, complete with hands-on training and the exciting-sounding homework recipe workbooks! "It will be a completely hands-on experience turning pizza makers from all over the world into gourmet artisans who will master the art of wood fired pizza," said founder Scot Cosentino. "We also will be focusing on gourmet breads, sauce making and offer a variety of services from brick oven skills, to complete consulting on startup operations. We currently have students from all over the world and are helping many people make their dreams come true."

You hear that? They'll make your dreams come true! One not-at-all sketchy-sounding anonymous student has already pledged lifelong allegiance to the school, writing, "It was an honor to learn from the greatest pizza master of our time. It's difficult to find words that express my gratitude towards you. So I'll end it with this thank you, god bless you and never stop progressing." Whoa. If you've got three grand burning a hole in your cheese-stained pocket, sign up right this way.

UPDATE: We've spoken to Cosentino, who explains that the pizza school has been quite popular with foreigners looking to open their own pizza establishment outside of New York. "We've been in the business for over 20 years, and been voted America's best pizza several times. We're great at what we do," he says. He also added that the 10-day, one-on-one "Master Class" is available for $7,500.