Before "football" and "TV," Americans spent Thanksgiving dinner watching the patches of straw on the walls before digging into their wax food (Shutterstock)

Is watching TV—nay, FOOTBALL—during Thanksgiving dinner a bad idea? Of course not! Doctors say you need at least sixteen hours of watching millionaires beat the hell out of each other every week otherwise you'll start throwing underhand and have your "man card" confiscated. Leave it to a Times reporter to endanger our national security.

When asked if it was "inappropriate to watch N.F.L. football games while eating Thanksgiving dinner with my family? When must we turn off the TV?" Jeff Gordinier replies,

I don’t think it’s appropriate to watch a football game before, during or after the meal.

I think it’s totally unpleasant to be overeating and bickering with relatives while you’re being subjected to a shrill, woof-woofing soundtrack of fumbles, penalty calls and beer commercials. It’s better to avoid the game altogether so that everyone can focus on overeating and bickering in peace.

And then there’s the digestion question. Most people seem to switch on the game a few minutes after having wolfed down their fifth slice of pie, but if you do that, there’s the cognitive dissonance of watching professional athletes and cheerleaders vigorously moving their bodies while your own body lies on the couch in a state of postprandial lethargy and bloat.

Gordinier then advocates for a family constitutional around the block, which seems reasonable. Then again, you could just race your family to look up the word "postprandial."