Pizza Now Counts As A Vegetable, According To Congress

Great news for the youth of America: the government, which may very well be run by cheese-loving 12-year-olds, has decided that pizza totally counts as a vegetable.

A spending bill pushed through this week with a little help from frozen food manufacturers, the salt industry, potato growers and conservatives who don't think the government should be telling kids what to eat declares the following: two tablespoons of tomato paste shall count as a vegetable, and the USDA can't limit the number of starchy vegetables a kid crams down his gullet every day. In other words: more mushy pies and ~~French~~ freedom fries for all!

The bill stands in direct opposition to school lunch standards set forth by the USDA in June, which called for limiting potatoes and sodium and boosting whole grains. Some school districts and giant industrial food companies complained that the USDA's guidelines went too far and cost too much, because the nation's youth needs their tater tots and Monsanto needs to keep subsidizing famers in Iowa.

Naturally, the bill has some critics, who call upon the gods of common sense to plead their case: "They are making sure that two of the biggest problems in the school lunch program, pizza and french fries, are untouched," said Margo Wootan of the Center for Science in the Public Interest. "It doesn't take an advanced degree in nutrition to call this a national disgrace," said Amy Dawson Taggart, director of a group of retired generals advocating for healthier school lunches in a letter to Congress. Can someone page Michelle Obama? Something tells us this won't go over well with her anti-childhood obesity campaign, and she might be able to pull some strings.

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By Jamie Feldmar in Food on November 16, 2011 11:34 AM

Comments [rss]

bacara

I live in Belgium, here we have to bring our own lunch to school most of the time (some school are exceptions, and sometimes on a special day when we go do something with school we can or buy something somewhere or the school makes sure there are some healthy things (atleast apples)) and we can just buy some snacks at school (only during lunch, not the other breaks) and some cola in the breaks, at lunch only orange juice and stuff like that, we don't eat pizza at lunch, most of us only eat warm 1 time a day, that's evening.

bacara

I live in Belgium.. in most schools here, you have to bring your own lunch, sometimes you can buy some snacks (like a waffle) and you can buy some cola, but you have to bring your own food, and sometimes teachers will go around and look what people are eating, and the kids who are eating the healthiest get a reward.

Steinar Eliassen

Jamie Oliver, you tried, you tried. I am sure you cry yourself to sleep. Why doesn't US schools stop serving lunch all together and let parents pack lunch. We always pack whole grain bread, carrots and snow peas for our kid. People must start to go away from the food industry and make food themselves.

Lester Equality Metta

More proof that corporations have too much power in our government

Ox4ord

There's another possibility. Maybe the men and women in Congress are in fact idiots. (Or maybe both.)

Nicole Marie Rincon

This is ridiculous. Clearly, pizza is a fruit.

Miranda FryingPangle Ryuzaki

well it does have tomatoes, so that makes sense.

Vanessa Carta

If you say that then we can't declare grape soda a fruit and have a well balanced lunch!

candyazzbb

lunch isnt making kids fat. its bad parenting at dinner and snacks. leave pizza day alone u cads! lol

Tim Osman

Herman Cain must be pleased

david zhivkovich

This is an obvious dig for the hungry 8 year old vote in the upcoming elections.

LizardoOfOz

Congressmen may think of pizza as that GOOD pizza that they order themselves, which has lots of sauce and veggies which does count as a vegetable. Someone should send school pizza to the Congressmen: usually it is composed of bread with a smear of sauce and dried out fake cheese. School pizza is like a small amount of the ketchup that Reagan declared a vegetable, this time on a crust.

jason hillard

This is the inevitable outcome of the ability to peddle influence. And for the love of God, can everyone stop pretending that the Republicans are the only people taking money from Big Bidness?

Ox4ord

thank you. anyone ever hear of ethanol? whoops!

reunpack

Take some responsibility and send your kids to school with healthy food and stop complaining about stupid shit! If you can't afford to feed your kid healthy food maybe you should have kids.

Vanessa Carta

Can I be the one that decides who is 'worthy' for kids? I'll start with you first. You go in the definitely not pile...

ImperialStout

"If you can't afford to feed your kids healthy food, maybe you shouldn't have kids."-- My new message to the United States Government.

Tombsukkainen

"…may you shouldn't have kids." Corrected (;

candyazzbb

that's an asinine statement. what if when they had kids they could afford and things took a bad turn? they should kill their kids or what. get real.

cjl2009

Conservative voters will support this because they are like children: they want to stuff their faces with pizza all day, make fun of the gay kids, and never ever share their toys (aka pay taxes) because they "earned" them.

I don't know what's worse: the corporate-whore GOP that gets on its knees for any business interest, or their low-information supporters who vote purely out of spite for anybody who enjoys living in the modern world.

cjl2009

Conservatives are like 10-year olds: they want to stuff their faces with pizza all day, make fun of the gay kids, and never ever share their toys because they "earned" them.

Ox4ord

I'm not sure this is fair. There are a lot of Democrats from Big Agri states who consistently vote for this sort of crap. It's a leftwing myth that only the GOP serves special interests.

ImperialStout

This is embarrassing. I'm embarrassed. I guess parents should make sure to pack their kids a lunch.

Just saying

There is a school system that will not allow lunches brought to school. Very sad.

ImperialStout

That's insanity. If they do ban bagged lunches, they had better be serving something better than pizza and fries.

Chris Malone

We pay people, hundreds of thousands of dollars a year... and they don't have the common sense to be able to see that pizza is not a vegetable...

AuntySemantic

Wow! Now if I can only convince my waistline that pizza is a vegetable.

remyngtin

Congressional jackoffs ... what , they forgot to do a little insider trading today ???

nunyadamn

Yay! Now the food lobbyist don't lose their strangle hold on school lunches. Also, pharma and insurance companies win with all the continued childhood obesity. YAY - everyone wins! Good job, Congress!

Militant Conformist

Hey, it's an improvement on the old "Ketchup is a vegetable" crap they used to try. So at least they're heading in the right direction. Also I'm sure their own kids get fed like this in the private schools they send them to

howthcastle

Well, it took 30 years--Reagan to Boehner!

Roark

Next up jelly donuts as fruit ... Groening even predicted it...

Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

eflash

to say that a healthy school lunch costs "too much" is beyond absurd. healthy is more expensive than unhealthy, but healthy should be the minimum acceptable standard, not some impossible-to-achieve goal.

Guest

They could skip lunch and be healthier. Problem solved.

Emil Engeborg

and surely they will pay in the end because of the huge stack off medical bills for children with weight problemes, this is as stupid as it sounds really!