The Holy Gridiron, via Moore Catholic High School

Studying under God's watchful eye requires self-discovery, sacrifice, and occassionally some booty-rumbling beats that imbue you with the spirit of the Almighty. That's why Staten Island's Moore Catholic School blasts music from their football field at seemingly odd hours and high volumes, but neighbors (pagans?) have had enough. "It's like being in the front row of a metal concert with nowhere to go. It's like jet-plane level," one resident tells the Staten Island Advance. And there's absolutely nothing worse than Christian metal.

One other resident filmed a video of the noise from inside his house, but the music isn't so much metal as it is something you'd hear on Saturday night leaking from a 1999 Ford Probe with those blacklights under the carriage.

Neighbors had a meeting with principal Douglas McManus in 2007 to urge him to reduce the noise, but so far nothing's changed. Those who complain about the noise directly receive rude responses, and when one man walked onto the field to talk to a teacher he was told that they were on "private property" and the police would arrive. The Advance called for comment and received a "sarcastic, 'Oh, my God,'" which should earn that person a few hours of detention for blasphemy. We called the school but they weren't in session because of Columbus Day.

"Friday was the last straw for me," another resident said. "There was nobody in the field, absolutely not a soul in the field, and the music blasting." Nobody except for the Holy Spirit!