Spiked License Plate Frames: The Solution To Terrorist Cyclists?

(Bicycles Only's Flickr)

As intrepid CBS 2 reporter Marcia Kramer recently reported, "many" people are wondering "what would happen if a man on a bike were a terrorist." Is YOUR family safe from cyclist terror threats? Have you adequately protected your vehicle from hijacking attempts waged by two-wheeled spandex sleeper cells? There's a lot you can do to make sure these bloodthirsty zealots don't pop wheelies all over your hood's Old Glory custom paint job—starting with these low-cost license plate frame spikes!

Twitter user and avid cyclist Bicycles Only recently spotted this safeguarded Lexus on Leonard Street between Broadway and Lafayette. His reaction: "Can't believe it's legal to manufacture this thing or install it on your car. And, of course, he's parking illegally with a placard." Whoa there, Bicycles Only; in this time of cyclist-sponsored terror, all Americans "need to watch what they say, watch what they do."

If you'd like to take the war on bike terror into your own hands, Wal-Mart is selling them online for $9.54. One satisfied user writes, "i bought this because someone backed into my car and destroyed my license plate as well as caused damage. next time they will find holes in their bumper if they decide to bump into me. seems to be well made." Attach some retractable spikes to your rims, install an oil slick gun in the trunk, blast the Peter Gunn theme song, and show these Critical Massholes that yer colors don't run!

Contact the author of this article or email tips@gothamist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By John Del Signore in News on July 13, 2011 4:02 PM

Comments [rss]

Josh Kimerling

How the hell is this a bike story?

OleS

I laugh when I see Bumper Buddies or Bumper Badgers. Just delaying the inevitable...

otmshank

What does the first story (Marcia Kramer report) have to do with the twitter post about spiked license plate guards? And what the hell does any of it have to do with redneck jingoism? I know you wanted to combine your overplayed, go-to material (anti-cycling and misguided patriotism) for the purpose of inflating your already painful sense of self awareness and elitism, but it really is a stretch here. It’s as if you decided to write a story combining your favorite stereotypes, and searched for material to fit into your narrative, whether it fits or not. Besides, the license plate frames seem to be more about repelling other car bumpers, and not cyclists.

I know it’s just a blog post, and I certainly could just ignore every JDS post here if they bother me so much. But I enjoy this site, and the shit you post really takes away from the rest of the site.

xXxMExXx

Spectacular post.

TunaLoaf

Why not just invest in a Bumper Badger?

LICnative

Go old school and get one of those "free wheelin" Little Rascal boxing glove on a stick contraptions.

Detex

Ok, I like this, a lot! I don't own a car in the city but it makes me sick to see people park by sound when street parking. I really would not care if this punctured someones bumper if they choose to use my car as a parking gauge... I watched a guy play bumper cars with two nicer cars last week on spring street, he defiantly put some marks on their bumpers, total BS!

Peanut_Butter

What do you think he (99% it's a he) would do if you bought yourself a female complement to that plate frame and parked it right against his?

PhotoR

ooooo kinky

mistermarkdavis

SUV's have grille guards which are even more dangerous. they were originally invented for off road trucks in the outback. If they hit kangaroos it could break the car. Now people just get them to look aggressive and shinny. They make crashes more deadly and are completely legal.

PhotoR

Weren't they on almost all cop cars in the late 90s? I remember referring to them as "car pushers" because that's what they were mainly used for upstate, moving broken-down cars onto the shoulder.

hotstepper

Boss Hogg's ride would get the job done much better...

whiteiris

Keep it away from Democrat Councilnut Letitia James. She sued a guy for bumping into his truck hitch.

Detex

If they messed it up they SHOULD be held responsible.

Sinchy

Didn't some gov't agency ban the use of spiky hood ornaments to lessen injuries to pedestrians?
This is totally asking for a lawsuit.
And he is a douchebag.

Gwinny

Yes, because I think there were instances of people getting impaled on them. Yeeesh.

JarekAF

I don't know about New York State but I do know that you cannot pass inspection with a license plate cover like that in DC.

Don't ask why I know this please.

ONE_LESS_FIXED_GEAR

Give me two, please.

whitecastlerock

Paging Chuck Schumer...

mayorguilliani

if anything, this is on the car because

a) the owner is a douchebag
b) to prevent other cars from backing into him while parallel parking
c) to intentionally make gothamist post a retarded cycling story
d) all of the above

Colonel_Ingus

You mean the guy who thought he had to label his Lexus with his name and the redundant LEX tag might be a d-bag?

Peanut_Butter

I'm trying to figure out what the plate means...

mayorguilliani

'zactly

Trustafarian

if i see one of these on an actually expensive car (not a used japanese suv) i'm totally injuring myself and suing.

RammyH

Exactly, considering the number of hotheads in this city, if someone tore their clothes or cut themselves on this guy's spikes, how many people would key the shit out of the hood/doors or hurl a brick through the window?

RammyH

Its all about the bumper tap while parking, not about bikes. Still don't see how this is legal.

It's a bumper, you way-too-much-of-my-self esteem-is tied into-my-car jerk.

BUM-PER - as in designed and instilled so as to be bumped into.

So someday soon everyone's front and back bumpers will be covered in 1in spikes, yay.

Guest

The way people in this town play bumper cars when parking, I'd love to have something like that to deter them. Bumpers look very good these days but they are extremely impractical. The slightest tap is going to cost you $600 - at least - if you want to get it painted out. My first car had these great chrome bumpers with rubber strips on them - SO perfect.

My self esteem isn't exactly wrapped up in my bumpers, but it would be nice if other people were as careful as I am and didn't hit me whenever they were parking (Full disclosure; I will go to extreme lengths not to hit anyone when I park. I will even give up the space if there's no way to get into it without making some sort of contact with another car.) If I put a scratch in my car that's one thing. If some careless idiot does it for me that's something else entirely.

RammyH

Absolutely people suck at parking, and I park very carefully myself, but at some point, if you want to preserve your sanity and your blood pressure, a car owner in this city who street parks is going to have to come to grips with the fact that their bumpers and our front and back plates are going to get dinged.

Putting spikes on your car seems nutty (and illegal). Or at least an open invitation to constantly being sued.

Guest

It's a little too far into Mad Max territory. Still, it's nice to fantasize about the jerk who hit you getting more than they bargained for.

Colonel_Ingus

It's not a deterrent. The other driver wouldn't know about the spikes until it's way too late. This is just stupid.

AlexTheOriginalPartyDog

Well, it's sort of a future deterrent, in the sense that you'll hopefully stop using this parking method once your car gets shanked, no?