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"Body Bombs" Threat Means Increased Airport Security

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AP
In a move that will no doubt frustrate passengers who are already tired of having their bodies exposed to radiation or their genitals groped, airport security is "expected to tighten" due to intelligence that terrorists are surgically implanting explosive devices inside their bodies. While White House spokesman Jay Carney stressed that this concept "is not at all surprising," and that the intelligence "did not relate to an imminent or specific threat," a source from the Department of Homeland security tells the Times that they have warned their foreign counterparts. If only there were some vague, Orwellian, color-coded system to get people scared about something like this...

Heightened security measures may include "increased use of existing procedures, including behavior-detection officers and airport interviews," along with "pat-down searches, and efforts to detect traces of explosives" by swabbing passengers' skin and clothing. This is precisely what those mile-long lines of exhausted, defeated humanity need: interrogation by TSA employees armed with Q-Tips. Thankfully, the TSA has agreed to stop patting down small children, but there seems to be little hope for the rest of us, except for that guy who got onto a flight at JFK Airport with a fake ID (and expired boarding pass).

In 2009, a man attempted to assassinate a Saudi prince by hiding a bomb in his large intestine, but the bomb killed the man and not the prince. Authorities were unable to figure out how he hid the bomb, because that would involve a literal interpretation of the nursery rhyme "Humpty Dumpty."

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Comments [rss]

  • Christopher Havens

    Guys stuck the bomb up his ass. He was meeting with HEAD of Security of Saudi who is crown prince. luckily guy was sitting on bomb/ass and desk btw then..... 

  • RammyH

    Enough is enough.  Scanners and some behavioral techniques suffice.  If some wacko stuffs 30lbs of C4 and a detonator into his colon and blows a plane and its passengers apart, so be it.  If some bullshit country ordered/sponsored the attack, just bomb the shit out them for a few weeks and if its some random psycho from a country with a working and effective police force, let the proper authorities handle it.

    We'll never be 100% safe and at some point we'll have to accept that if we want to fly, we may die (and frankly don't we do that anyway? We're a mile up in the sky in a pressurized metal tube).

  • mmheidelberger

    You never know, the next thing we might read is that TSA employees will be trained on performing colonoscopies...

  • This whole thing top to bottom is repellent.  You can tell by the times "the citizens" get up in arms-- like how they get offended when old people or children are patted down.  Old people or children could just as easily be hiding bombs-- I mean, in theory?  Of course "in theory" is a really wide net to cast-- & that is the reason why there is a bit on "unreasonable searches" in the US constitution.  We aren't safer for all this airport security-- as the ever tightening noose proves-- but we sure are willing to accept increased police state measures!  Huh.  You know how you might say "if the raging Demoncrats & Tea Baggers both agree on something, yikes!"  Yeah.  This.

  • jaycjay

    "pat-down searches, and efforts to detect traces of explosives"

    "Our response to this new threat will include more aggressive use of techniques that can not detect it."

  • They forgot to mention that now they're going to be patting down our internal organs.

  • hashedz
  • Currahee101st

    "Thank you sir, may I have another!!"

  • FU Boy

    Moooooooon River...

  • PicoPhreako69

    Like they don't do that already....  =X>P=

  • FU Boy

    "Or just bluff that we're going to do it, making you freak out and make your citizen's lives even more miserable."

    Really, in the end we won't hate the terrorists for threatening these things - it's what they do.  We'll hate our government for their reaction - because locking down on us is not what they're supposed to do.

  • This brings a whole new meaning to the term "bombshell blonde"!

  • Roger_the_Shrubber

    And Dolly Parton would be considered a nuclear threat.

  • Roger_the_Shrubber

    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
    Benjamin Franklin 

    You know damn well, they'll only search little, old white grandmas from Osh Kosh and six year old little kids while Abdul and Gamal from Saudi Arabia and burqua-clad women from Yemen get waved through, lest they be offended and start screaming "racism!"

    I'd like to see some of the politicians in DC get groped, fondled and scanned naked every time they fly. Of course, these invasive measures are only for the peasants.

  • ihateloggingin

    Have you personally witnessed Saudi men being waved thru without any screening?
    If not STFU.

  • Eric Bringslid

    Well actually Kurt and Lori Haskell who unlike you were actually on the ill fated  "Underwear Bomber" flight claimed that he was waved through security without even a valid US passport.

  • insomniac010

    If I recall, the terrorists who caused so much trouble on 9/11 flew first class. While you stand on line waiting to be violated in the name of national security, why dont you take a look to your left at the first class line and VIP area where everyone still just breezes through with no trouble.

  • The worst part is they're not even obtaining safety, they just think they are.

  • imboredsoipost

    and happier for having that thanks, as I board a plane that i hope is well maintained at each of the unkown number of failure points, that i hope is flown by an emotionally sound and professional pilot, as i look forward to getting off the ground and above large migratory bird flight paths (and turtles of course).
    but false security or not, as i board to depart from ben gurion every other friday, after an hour minimum of having been interviewed, watched while in line, scanned twice, with the occasional pat down (all this is with my accompanying letter from my business stating), i feel so much better than when I breeze on past a bored (probably) unionized flunky.

  • Politburo

    TSA is currently not unionized but they have just selected a union to represent them in collective bargaining. Customs and immigration officers have been unionized for many years.

    It's funny that you mention Ben Gurion Airport.. David Ben Gurion was one of the founders of the workers union.

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