Park Slopers: A Pigeon Killer Is Amongst You

A self-confessed pigeon murderer has taken to the Brooklynian message board to chastise the "sinners" who feed the pigeons in JJ Byrne Park. Oh and also, he's slowly murdering the pigeons, claiming it is "for the greater good." FIPS aptly describes this man as the Dexter of the avian world. Here's his proclamation:

It is with heavy heart that I have to resort to coming onto a forum to voice my opinion. I have lived in this wonderful neighborhood for over 25 years and I have seen it change drastically in that time. My only gripe is with the people who seem hell bent on trying to erase their life's sins by feeding the nasty population of pigeons at JJ Byrne Park. I have tried man many times but to no avail to try and talk to these individuals but they refuse to stop feeding these winged rodents. I explained to them that they carry vile diseases but this notion does not seem to sink in.
Frankly, I grow tired of cleaning bird poop off my stoop where there is a tree where upon these vile creatures have set up shop. I don't even dare park my car under this tree unless I want it to be encrusted with bird fecal matter. Sadly I and a few other residents have taken it upon ourselves to try and control the pigeon population by sprinkling rat poison in the park where the bird feeders usually spread their bread banquet. We hope to use the very bird feeders to dispense our poison. We understand the dangers of this tactic but we are willing to accept the collateral damage to the surrounding innocent wildlife. It is after all for the greater good.

My neighbor Mike has also implemented a way to get rid of the pigeons from the trees by our building. He basically has constructed a few bird feeders that would hang from the trees that would dispense water laced with anti freeze. The results have been quite remarkable.

Maybe PETA and Mike Tyson can become friends and track this guy down. In the meantime, it is legal to feed pigeons as long as there are no signs stating otherwise. Although if you're in JJ Bryne Park, it seems you may become an accessory to the crime if you do.

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By Jen Carlson in News on June 22, 2011 2:06 PM

Comments [rss]

Natali

Strange coincidence that this article is posted today when yesterday, I fed a couple pigeons for the first time in my life. Well, unless I did when I was a tot and don't remember. I fed them crumbs from a Nature's Valley Oats 'N Honey bar because when I took it out of my bag to have a bite, they just looked so sad and hungry. Yes, I was afraid of how close they were coming up to me once they realized I was "safe" but as an animal lover, I can't help it!

felixthecat

Identified this guy and the bldg where mike is and I will fuck them up
Myself. Birds belong on trees asshoke. Fucking asshole need a lesson taught real soon

Dead Himmler

This guy is a hero.

CityFace

Seems to me there's something not right about secretively sprinkling rat poison around a park. Do kids play in that park? I mean, sure, kids carry vile diseases, but still...

TheRealCannibal

I dont want to go to any parks that ARENT sprinkled with rat poison. Gross.

Trustafarian

His only gripe about what has happened to Park Slope over the years is the pigeons? LOL!!

FoghornofTruth

I live in Park Slope. About three months ago I heard a loud thump in my backyard. It sounded heavy and had definitely hit a few tree branches on the way down. When I went over to see what it was, I found a freshly killed pigeon with it's neck/head entirely ripped off. We're talking a bloody stump. For a while I assumed it that the pigeon had joined a gang and had tried to do things "his way" thus inciting his fellow members to a violent retaliation. After reading the story about Park Slope Pigeon Poisoners, I find myself reconsidering the gangland theory....

TheRealCannibal

thats fucking awesome. Someone really hates you.

Guest

Good riddance to the pigeons!

vintagejames

If people were not such slobs, leaving trash everywhere, pigeons would not be everywhere. Sure, they are flying rats, but that is because we don't take care of our trash.

xsquatchx

pigeons are an invasive species and should be dealt with as such.

SwampYankee

so are hipsters. I agree, they should be dealt with

TheRealCannibal

POISON THE PBR!!!!!!!!!

Squealgies

http://youtu.be/snhiofL2Rh4

mmheidelberger

Dennis Hopper, the godfather hipster???

chuzzlewit

i know who this is. it's the guy who lives next to Mike.

nicemarmot

The problem with the pigeon-feeders isn't the pigeons, it's that the goddamn pigeons barely even eat that shit. The rats, however, find it a delicious feast when they come out at night. The pigeon-feeders are so oblivious they don't even notice that pigeons don't like shitty stale bread crumbs. They prefer delicacies like vomit puddles and rotting meat.