Let me guess.... the author of this piece is from Minneapolis...

A *real* New Yorker doesn't make a big deal about much, and certainly not tourists.  Get off the high horse.  

(ever see a bunch of New Yorkers overseas?) Fuggedaboudit!

if someone is this much of a douchebag to tourist then they are clearly not natives to NYC and are most likely bitter size 4 rocking transplants from Iowa just coming to grips that NYC is not what they make it seem like on TV and that job as an writer/actor/waiter/bike messenger/bartender while trolling on big trash day for new furniture has really started to take a toll on your soul as you see the fanny packs and off scale guide maps as you view those wide eyed tourist from Wisconsin get on that same F Train. You don't know whether to break down in tears and cry or muster up enough smugness to give directions in a condescending matter back to 34th Street. Get over yourself, get to packing and get to Port Authority, this region can make its own douchebags 

I have visited, never been dumped on, but had a guidebook! We found our way around quite nicely but could not see all we wanted. Had a mixup on a bus line and everyone was very good to us. I LOVE NYC. I feel if you hate it this much and are not proud to be a New Yorkerr...go back to Albany or Cincy and let people live there who want to contribute.

My most recent tourist experience: I was standing at the corner of West 4th and 6th Avenue next to two middle-aged women, obviously tourists. One of them points to the building at the corner and goes "Oh, look the Flatiron Building!"

The building at the corner of West 4th, Cornelia and 6th Avenue is admittedly slightly wedge-shaped but it's also only 9 stories tall and houses a Papaya Dog on the ground-level.

Wait, none of these are funny?  Why are we supposed to be jerks to tourists if we can't even manage to be funny?

Ever since they went away after 9/11, i have tried to be nice to tourists. But just yesterday I accidentally gave someone the wrong directions to Prospect Park. Hope she eventually found it.

These are pretty lame.  I tell much bolder lies than this everyday, and in fact, go out of my way to direct tourists in the wrong direction, advise them to go to dangerous areas (the few that are left) and generally am consumed with making their stay here as miserable as possible.

When did you move here? I'm guessing not too long ago...

For some reason, many tourists seem to confuse the Chrysler building (42nd & Lex) with the Empire State Bldg.  Probably because both buildings have similar-looking spires.  I work nearby and it's fun to see tourists strolling down Lexington Ave. and then suddenly get excited when they see the Chrysler bldg which they think is the Empire State Bldg. 

Geez, come prepared with a guidebook and a map--don't rely solely on the locals, many of whom know less about NYC than you might think.

Funny thing is every time I am in New York, tourists and locals a-like stop and ask me for directions which is hilarious.

This article is incredibly stupid. 

Learn not to read article's that you do not like then.

Always walk five-abreast down the sidewalk, diagonally. Embrace the pole with your entire body on the subway. Rent bikes with fanny packs on their handlebars and ride on the sidewalk. Terrify your children by screaming at them when they wander 2 feet from you.

With the exception of the Applebee's one, these are all idiotic and unfunny.  The lies told here in the comments are far more clever and humorous.

Agree with all, except "Your skirt is too short to ride a bike." Never, ever say that to anyone.

And my fave: great Chinese food? Ruby Foo's.

The East Village is on Long Island.

I was in Soho one time and some tourist asked me where Rooster St. was. I asked if he meant Wooster as I wasn't aware of a Rooster St. in Manhattan. He said, "No! Are you fucking deaf? I said Rooster!" So I pointed him towards the East Village. Thats the only time that I've given bad directions. I usually don't mind. Photos for tourists, on the other hand, I wont take. I hate that shit.

I would care to give directions a lot more if tourists were somehow able to conform to NYC instead of expecting NYC to conform to them. Not only that, when I travel I rarely ask directions because it is always fun to wander a bit (that and I know how to read a fucking map).

Who cares what YOU do, or would do? Not everyone is you, so why be an asshole about it?

Stop antagonizing people on this thread you imbecile.