Bin Laden "Deathers" Will Search Arabian Sea For His Corpse

OR IS IT? (AP)

Sure, some people believe that Osama Bin Laden was shot and killed by Navy SEAL commandos and then dropped into the ocean. These are the same sort of people who believe that Obama was born in Hawaii and deny the fact that Captain Crunch contains microscopic razor blades to cut the roof of your mouth, flooding your bloodstream with addictive "Crunch ions" developed by the Pope's secret lab at Roswell. But one American hero refuses to believe the "reality's" version of events: treasure-hunting explorer Bill Warren, who is planning to travel to the North Arabian Sea to find Bin Laden's corpse and confirm his death once and for all.

Telling TMZ that "I do not trust my government or Obama," Warren says that IF he finds Bin Laden's body they will "photograph and video tape him, then do a DNA test on the ship." Presumably they will also "double kill" Bin Laden in case he's been living amongst the seaweed and porpoises there, and will kill any porpoise wives he's taken in any ensuing standoff. Naturally, a film crew is coming along to document the trip, proving that the lessons of Geraldo Rivera have yet to be learned. However, in this case it's probably best for their cause if they don't find anything at all.

And in a final "HA-HA" to Osama Bin Laden's corpse, which can no longer grasp a sense of finality or justice because it is a corpse, an American flag that flew at Ground Zero will be presented to the crew of the USS Carl Vinson, the ship that chucked Bin Laden's body into the water after a brief ceremony in accordance with Islamic tradition. Presenting the flag will be a retired Brooklyn firefighter who "toiled on the pile at Ground Zero," and whose son is returning from duty on the ship.

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By Christopher Robbins in News on June 13, 2011 3:28 PM

Comments [rss]

Guest

He's smart not to trust the government, but dumb to think he can find a needle in a haystack.

Sulayman

So where's he going to get the DNA to compare the body's?

ANGRYGOD11

Bin Laden had children with some of his wives and his father had 52 kids. Thats a large pool for DNA testing.

Sulayman

Yes, but good luck trying to get DNA from any of them, especially if you're a kook trying to find their dad's body.

ANGRYGOD11

What makes anyone think Bin Laden hasn't become fish food by now?
Oh, yeah: Because theses guys are morons.
On the other hand, if these idiots actually leave port to look around, the Arabian Sea isn't the safest body of water to investigate.

Eric PH

Where was this guy when we were looking for the WMD's in Iraq?

silver

Dead already. Osama died in 2002 from kidney failure. Photoshop kept him alive till 2011.

SPsGhost

this makes no logical sense at all. if they don't believe he was killed and dumped into the ocean, WHY ARE THEY LOOKING FOR HIM IN THE OCEAN?

dollarmenu

Because if he is unable to find Bin Laden's decomposing body amidst a million square miles of pitch black ocean floor, he will have unequivocally proven that Obama is a fraud.

ANGRYGOD11

And he can do it just as well by never leaving the dock.

SPsGhost

oh wait, I know why! because they're a bunch of fucking morons!

Militant Conformist

Watch, he will write a bestseller based on the fact that he couldn't find the body despite how well trained he is and how the Government tried to stop him from publishing that information...