Just after Memorial Day, panic gripped the chests of New York's coffee snobs when it came to light that a big capitalist private equity firm had bought up artisanal indie darling Stumptown. Though Stumptown owner Duane Sorenson downplayed the deal as just a "friend" investing "some money" into Stumptown, the Times has confirmed that TSG Consumer Partners, which previously bought a stake in VitaminWater, is the firm involved—and "some" money may actually be code for a lot. Enough to buy 90 percent of Stumptown and still have plenty left over to buy up all your favorite fancy coffee purveyors.

Todd Carmichael, an owner of La Colombe Torrefaction in Philadelphia, tells Diner's Journal he was approached by TSG's managing director Alexander Panos in May, and Panos told him, "I just bought 90 percent of Stumptown from Duane Sorenson." Panos then asked Carmichael if he had any contacts in Counter Culture, Intelligentsia or Blue Bottle, and if they would be interested in selling their souls a stake in their businesses to TSG. Both Counter Culture and Blue Bottle confirm they were courted by Panos; Counter Culture turned him down outright, while Blue Bottle took a meeting in March.

And it doesn't end there! TSG is also after Joe, which makes a really great latte in locations citywide. It's unclear if Joe or Blue Bottle is considering any offers, but if Stumptown could "sell out," what's stopping other little artisanal java entrepreneurs from taking the money and running? And what if it doesn't end there? In an era when "selling out" is widely seen as shrewdly "buying in," it's only a matter of time before some multinational conglomerate snatches up every last "locally-sourced" hipster sacred cow! Soon enough you'll be buying your Malaysian-made "No Sleep Til Brooklyn" T-shirts at the Verizon Wireless Brooklyn Flea, and you'll like it.