Cockroach + Jumping Skills = The Newly Discovered Leaproach
AP
Scientists in South Africa have discovered a "leaproach," which is essentially a cockroach that can JUMP "on par with grasshoppers." As in, jump out of your dreams and into your kitchen. Or sheets. Or [insert special place where you go in your apartment where you don't feel vulnerable from the alienating chasms of granite and filth].
Not much is known about the new species, as "prior to its discovery, jumping cockroaches were only known from the Late Jurassic." But don't call your Super just yet: it's believed to be in South Africa exclusively, so we still have a few weeks before it shows up in a hotel in Times Square and becomes BFF's with bedbugs. Puzzlingly, stories on the roach have failed to mention the "singing cockroach" that was discovered by MTV in the mid-'90s.
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South Africa has had similar critters for ages, just not in Cape Town. They're called Parktown Prawns and are basically giant aggressive crickets that squirt black goo at you when threatened and have a hard shell so it's impossible to kill the damn things.
Don't come complaining about your NYC roaches, you haven't seen insects until you've lived in Africa:
I lived in DC for a little while and we had these things called camel crickets. They are harmless but creepy as hell. They look like aliens and they jump all over the place like grasshoppers. But they are bigger than grasshoppers and not something you want to find in your shower in the morning
Barricaded_EDP
I have a pretty high tolerance for creepy shit... I've run into a "nest" of those things once, and let me tell you: they are creepy as hell and they will go right for you from 6 feet away.
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