America, Tim Pawlenty knows that we're in "big trouble." Sure, killing Osama Bin Laden with our bare hands felt really good, but the economy is still sputtering, our oligarchs are too fat to rape anyone, and the world is taking FOREVER to end. We need new leadership in 2012. We also need to know: who the hell is Tim Pawlenty?

Pawlenty is the son of a truck driver and the former Republican governor of Minnesota who enjoys hockey fights and occasionally speaking like Yosemite Sam when the spirit moves him. He'll kick off his campaign in Iowa today but he was so excited he stayed up all night making this video pre-announcing the announcement (which seems to be a trend). We'll let him explain:

He's right, "we're gonna have to do more than give fancy speeches. We've had three years of that and it's not working." We need fancy videos! Foreclosure signs with mean shadows on them! Disembodied robots! We need someone to govern like the president in Deep Impact, only white:

While Pawlenty has said in the past that he's running because it's better than the choice to "go make some money and play hockey and drink beer" (is it?), he has managed to not spend a half a million dollars at Tiffany's. That and he's not a Mormon, nor does he start "squirmishes." His haircut seems presidential, no?