Are These Earthquakes Rapture-Related, Or Can We Keep Making Smug Jokes?

After weeks of ominous BQE billboards, caravans of catastrophe, and CDC Zombie Apocalypse guides, Judgment Day 2011: Go Rapture Or Go Home is finally here! Rapturist assistants are standing by with all your relevant questions on Twitter, and—oh, you're still skeptical? You're wondering why we haven't heard any reports of New Zealand's destruction, since it was 6 p.m. there hours ago? Well suck on this nonbelievers: there was an earthquake...near the South Sandwich Islands.

OK, so maybe those "moderate earthquakes" happened at the wrong time in regards to Harold Camping's mathematical doomsday prophecy, but it's close enough to count, right? After all, God is in charge of this whole Rapture thing, and he is a professional clockmaker. We may be grasping at straws, but we really need to be right about this one—how else can we justify listening to "It's the End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" for the last 17 hours straight? Even Michael Stipe is starting to get crabby.

We will admit, it's a bit strange that we haven't seen, or heard about, anyone ascending into the heavens just yet: "I am sure it will be very noticeable. You will actually see people ascending into the sky...It's one or the other - either God is bringing you up, or you're going to die in the earthquake," Robert Fitzpatrick, the retired MTA worker who spent $140,000 to publicize his belief in the end of days, told the News. Does this mean we're the earthquake people?

But this is no time for jokes—this is a time for magnets. "Many people will die and continue to die until Oct. 21st. That's why I am handing out magnets," Fitzgerald told the Post. If you're too lazy to go outside today, many sites are "live-blogging" the Rapture all day for your convenience. You can watch Gawker's nifty Rapture Cam here for all those sweet screen shots for your desktop.

If you're wondering what Camping and his clan are up to today, well, keep wondering: if they aren't returning the NY Times' phone calls, they sure aren't returning ours. We'll have an update at 6:01 p.m. covering all the chaos in the city, unless we turn out to be among the chosen few to ascend. But New Yorker writer Ben Greenman gave us something to think long and hard about as we sip Coolatas and loiter in a bike lane in Park Slope in the meantime: "Maybe instead of 'The world will end,' they meant 'The weather will be great.'"

Contact the author of this article or email tips@gothamist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By Ben Yakas in News on May 21, 2011 10:40 AM

Comments [rss]

celebritymagnet.com

http://celebritymagnet.com/blo...
Model and entrepreneur Coco Austin celebrated the launch of her new clothing line ‘Cocolicious’ by letting loose in a Hotel pool in N.Y.C. and Celebritymagnet.com has the splashy video!

pr3t3nd3r

Do you 'believers' realize you are going on the word of an 89 year old? My parents are not even near that age and they are constantly forgetting appts, what day it is, all sorts of stuff. Get real, people!

Mario

Another opinion on the subject: http://tweetbird.net/rapture-t...

The fact is, it's already May 22nd in many parts of the globe so the May 21st prediction has failed. But could it be a day or two late?

nice job

Posting from Heaven.

blindmalice

Andy Warhol was actually God visiting Earth, tell people that everyone, incl Camping and the idiot who spent all his money promoting this, would be famous for 15 minutes. Next.....

Greekgeek

Everyone has been missing out on a great betting game all these years. There's ALWAYS earthquakes happening around the world -- almost always a few 6+s within the last 30 days -- the only question is where.

But people only tune in to the USGS recent earthquakes map when quakes are in the news, and then they're all, OOO AH THERE'S AN EARTHQUAKE! *gasp*

Instead of horse races or March Madness, we should have a Nerd Lottery, in which everybody bets on where this week's quakes are going to be and what magnitude... if a quake hits within 100 miles of your guess, you win a month's free internet!

Roger_the_Shrubber

If I were to try my hand at biblical prophesy, I'd go with a Sodom and Gomorrah redux, this time with San Francisco and Las Vegas getting showered with fire and brimstone.

SPsGhost

why do you hate America so much?

Caffiend

Meh, He, (Harold Camping) probably made another mathematical error. Kind of like the one akin to Lenny filing his taxes on line at the post office, except there was no theological Professor Frink like person to mock him. "Oh no... No no, I felt that. You
didn't carry the one you foolish person. Now
you'll incur the penalties with the compound
interest and the wrath and the truncheons.!"

S.D.

Maybe it happened and we just missed it?
I'm just saying.

Spirit of 76

It did happen, but it happened a long time ago. All the good people have long since ascended. How else do you explain the current state of the world in general and in particular such things as Donald Trump, Sarah Palin, the Naked Cowboy, Lady Gaga or Gothamist comments sections?

S.D.

Hmmmmmm....

Marktared

Watchtower Jehovah’s Witnesses have little credibility with their own fairy tale primary doctrine of Jesus ‘invisible’ second coming October 1914Watchtower society false prophets declare end of world in 1874, 1878, 1881, 1910, 1914, 1918, 1925, 1975, and 1984.... Actual news releases on Armageddon 1975 predictionwww (dot) dannyhaszard.com/1975.htm --Danny Haszard been there

Mordicai

Remember, cold iron gets past a demon's damage reduction & silver gets past a devil's damage reduction. You don't know the difference between a demon & a devil? Demons are Chaotic Evil, devil's are Lawful Evil. For angels you'll need an Evil weapon to bypass their damage reduction, so stick close to your neighborhood Antipaladin.

Biblical Prophet

Nikola Tesla caused earthquakes in Alaska in 1899 and you are going to hell for not having an ear so saith The Lord God. -Biblical Prophet watch me make earthquakes http://tinyurl.com/cnnzisgay