As promised, former quarterback and reanimated corpse Chris Simms trotted out his friend, Charlie Granatell, to tell the court that Simms' arrest for driving under the influence was all just one big, hilarious misunderstanding. The Daily News reports that Granatell was in the car with Simms and his wife when Simms' was stopped at a checkpoint on West Houston street at 1am, and insisted that he smoked "half a joint" after the group had dinner. What, have they outlawed digestifs?

"I smoked marijuana," Granatell told the court, and he replied "no" when asked if Simms had joined him, and continued testifying that the sinking of the Lusitania was "my bad." Assistant DA Alexandra Glazer, who probably has no idea what it's like to be a pal, asked Granatell why he didn't take the wrap at the scene to spare Simms of months of bad publicity and you know, a misdemeanor. "He got pulled away too fast, it was too late…If I could go back and change it, I would-but it's too late." Where have we heard that before…