Last week, Roger McDowell, the magic loogie spitter and former pitcher on the World Champion '86 Mets team, allegedly unloaded a series of homophobic slurs at three baseball fans, then threatened a father, in front of his two daughters, in a graphic manner. McDowell, the current pitching coach for the Atlanta Braves, apologized for the incident, but it wasn't enough for father Justin Quinn, who hired Gloria Allred to represent him. They wanted a harsher punishment for him, so they staged a surreal press conference to publicly shame McDowell and reenact the events—and as you can watch below, there is something very, very weird about repeatedly simulating anal sex with a baseball bat in front of two nine-year-olds:

So there was that. Just to summarize: during batting practice before Saturday's game in San Francisco, Quinn says he overheard McDowell asking three men, "Are you three giving it to each other up the a- - ?" and “Are you guys a homo couple or a threesome?” McDowell also then made the lewd gesture with the baseball bat (he claims they were "heckling fans"). When Quinn complained to him that there were kids there, he barked back "Kids don't f- - king belong at the baseball park," then picked up the bat and threatened Quinn. Following the press conference, McDowell was placed on administrative leave by the Braves yesterday, while they investigate the incident.

Nevertheless, we're unsure what Quinn is hoping to achieve by hiring Allred, and staging a press conference that looks more like a scene out of Eastbound and Down. The Daily What summed up the bizarreness of that press conference: "Quinn’s case apparently rests on the notion that if someone is going to traumatize his kids, it should be him."