There's a hilarious story in the Times today about Queens resident Abdul Haye, who owns the trademark for Kennedy Fried Chicken. Despite the fact that Kennedy itself was successfully sued for ripping of Kentucky Friend Chicken's trademark, Haye has embarked on a scorched-earth campaign to bring some 300-plus unauthorized Kennedy outlets to their knees. The rhetoric is as fiery as a twelve-piece order of hot wings. Haye tells the Times, "I'm declaring war against all the Afghans in New York who have stolen my name and my idea. Their poor-quality chicken is going to kill my reputation. I am the only real Kennedy!" But is he in fact the real Kennedy?

The man who started the Kennedy chain in the '70s, Zia Taeb, a Kabul native who has since moved on to importing rare gems, says, "He won’t win because I know my people, and Afghans will never pay him. I will go after him." Then there's Nour Abdullah, the manager of a Kennedy Fried Chicken in Corona, Queens. “We won’t pay a penny," he huffed. "I can rename the shop Munir Fried Chicken after my son or even New Kennedy Fried Chicken. Then let’s see what he’s going to do." Oh boy, this is going to get worse before it gets better—clearly Washington needs to intervene to bring peace in this troubled fast food region.