It's a sad day for the NY Post—and, by extension, all of us—because the tabloid regretfully reports that "the cameras weren't rolling at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino last September, when, according to court documents, Lauren Goldfarb, of Point Pleasant Beach, NJ, 'viciously, maliciously, willfully and wantonly' pounded on Marine Park stunner" Kristin DiPierro, 26. It's clearly a lost opportunity for DiPierro as well, because she, along with her sister Colette, have reportedly put an ad on the site Reality Wanted, informing the world that they would like to be cast in a reality TV show "along the lines of the Kardashians or 'Pretty Wild.' " Incidentally, you may recall Colette from such tabloid sensations as Jilted Fiancée Sues to Get His $17,500 Diamond Engagement Ring Back. Talent runs in the family!

DiPierro has filed a lawsuit against Goldfarb and the hotel because of the injuries she sustained during the incident, which was allegedly instigated by Goldfarb after DiPierro started chatting up her ex-boyfriend poolside. Noticing the conversation, Goldfarb "stormed over" to DiPierro and, according to court papers obtained by the Post, "mocked her choice of bathing suit, and then tried to rip her top off." Security guards banished Goldfarb and her friends to the other side of the pool, but a half hour later, Goldfarb allegedly returned and smashed DiPierro's face with a hard plastic cup, breaking her nose. DiPierro also suffered a deviated septum and had to get stitches for lacerations on her face.

"I'm shocked that this happened," DiPierro tells the tabloid. "I am there trying to celebrate my birthday, and security couldn't control Ms. Goldfarb like they promised they would." Gee, maybe Goldfarb's the one who should have a reality show! Her mother, Lisa Mairowitz, insists her daughter was "not directly involved" in what she described as a "bar brawl... It was a handful of young women who should have behaved a little better—including the plaintiff herself." Clearly, there needs to be a special poolside Las Vegas edition of Judge Judy, specifically for cases like these. (And for those following along with the engagement ring fracas, the Post reports that that lawsuit is still pending. But DiPierro's blog is a great way to stay informed on the issue.)