The oft-postponed opening of the most expensive production in Broadway history, Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark, has been pushed back again. The battle-scarred show will now supposedly open on March 15th (the Ides of March), instead of February 7th. And the musical's lead producer swears that this is definitely, for real, seriously—he means it this time, stop laughing you guys— the etched-in-stone Opening Night. Traditionally, critics wait to file reviews of productions until after opening night, but some media outlets (ourselves included) have been publishing reviews anyway, arguing that ticket buyers deserve some warning that they're throwing their money away on a soulless enervating spectacle. To which ticket buyers have responded, "That's EXACTLY what we want!"

The theater world's most influential critic, Ben Brantley at the NY Times, has held off on reviewing the show, but Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark was the top grossing show on Broadway last week, and it doesn't make a damn bit of difference what the Times says about a show like this. Especially not when the musical's target audience—hayseed tourists and teenagers—are hearing Glenn Beck rhapsodize about it. When the show does open, it will have been in previews longer than any show in Broadway history. Tickets start at $65 for the cheap seats.

Producer Michael Cohl says the production is "ten-times more complicated to tech than anything else, and the preview schedule allows for only very limited rehearsal time (twelve hours per week). We simply need more time to fully execute the creative team’s vision before freezing the show. I picked a date in March that allows me to ensure that this will be the final postponement." In a statement, Bono and The Edge, who composed the score, say, "Working on this show has been one of the great thrills of our lives, we’ll continue working as long as they let us. We are looking for the extraordinary here and we are nearly there."

The Times Culture editor has said, "It’s clear that the producers really are making significant changes and a review that’s out of date when the show opens isn’t all that useful. So we’ll wait, but not forever." In today's Post, theater columnist Michael Riedel hinted that his paper will file a review before March 15th. But the only critics who really matter are the ones actually buying the tickets, and they just want to see flying shit.