More Anecdotes From Chinese Mother Who Knows It All

I DON'T CARE IF YOU "NEED" A NAP—PRACTICE THAT PIANO FOR THREE HOURS!

Things Chinese mothers are good at: Berating their children, playing the martyr, and drumming up interest in their books about parenting! At least, that's the conclusion we're drawing from the attention that Yale Law professor Amy Chua's essay in the Wall Street Journal has gotten. Chua excerpted part of her book, Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mother, about her extreme, Chinese-based parenting style for the newspaper, and the WSJ's website now has 2000 comments—and her book is now #31 on Amazon.com, up from #49 yesterday. But her mother might say, "#31? Why aren't you #1?"

Chua's premise—that Chinese methods of parenting are superior to Western ones because the Chinese emphasize repetition, practice, and totally stripping down one's self-esteem while Western parents are too touchy-feely and concerned with their kids' emotions—has raised some suggestions that she's actually written a satire, a la Jonathan Swift's A Modest Proposal. But we're not sure if Chua gets irony—check out EW's favorite passages from her book:

After her young children presented her with handmade birthday cards:

I gave the card back to Lulu. “I don’t want this,” I said. “I want a better one — one that you’ve put some thought and effort into. I have a special box, where I keep all my cards from you and Sophia, and this one can’t go in there.”

“What?” said Lulu in disbelief. I saw beads of sweat start to form on Jed’s forehead.
I grabbed the card again and flipped it over. I pulled out a pen from my purse and scrawled ‘Happy Birthday Lulu Whoopee!’ I added a big sour face. “What if I gave you this for your birthday Lulu- would you like that? But I would never do that, Lulu. No — I get you magicians and giant slides that cost me hundreds of dollars. I get you huge ice cream cakes shaped like penguins, and I spend half my salary on stupid sticker and erase party favors that everyone just throws away. I work so hard to give you good birthdays! I deserve better than this. So I reject this.” I threw the card back.

After her daughter’s beloved paternal grandmother Popo died, Chua insisted the girls write a short speech to read at the funeral. Both girls refused (“No please, Mommy, don’t make,” Sophia said tearfully. “I really don’t feel like it.”). Chua insisted.

Sophia’s first draft was terrible, rambling and superficial. Lulu’s wasn’t so great either, but I held my elder daughter to a higher standard. Perhaps because I was so upset myself, I lashed out at her. “How could you, Sophia?” I said viciously. “This is awful. It has no insight. It has no depth. It’s like a Hallmark Card — which Popo hated. You are so selfish. Popo loved you so much — and you — produce-this!”

Some of you have offered up some Chinese parenting, but if you have any more, please leave them in the comments or email them to tips@gothamist.com—we're going to compile them for a future post.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@gothamist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By Jen Chung in News on January 10, 2011 4:37 PM

Comments [rss]

desmoinesdem

If the daughters were my friends and they told me these stories, I would secretly wonder if they were embellishing a little. Surely no mother would be so emotionally abusive as to reject a hand-made birthday card as inadequate.

It is bizarre that she tells these stories as examples of techniques parents should emulate. She should be embarrassed to admit doing this stuff.

Carl Cheng

So I totally read the first sentence as "Things Chinese mothers are good at: Beating their children" without pausing or thinking that was wrong. I just nodded in agreement.. Repressed memories of feather dusters anyone?

dollarmenu

It's still so strange to me she married a white guy, that just seems completely at odds with her hyper-Chinese child-rearing principles. And why doesn't he seem to have a say in the matter?

Rocknrope

Because probably like most men married to aggressive, type-a women, she's got his nuts in a mason jar under the kitchen sink.

dollarmenu

Though she is Chinese, so a recycled tub of margarine would probably be more likely.

Rocknrope

Don't forget the rubber band around it.

Knightmare6

Chinese mothers (actually many Asian mothers) are horrendous, when you're a child, if they are stuck in the old mentatility of honor and shame. In hindsight I do appreciate some of the berating, as I feel I have a balanced sense of self and just the right amount of arrogance and humility, but the psychological trauma can be too much for young kids. The problem happens when mothers lose sight of the fact that they should be mothers, and instead try to relive their lives through their children, but this isn't exactly just limited to Asian mothers (just look at the mothers of children's beauty pageants).

Sara Smithy

Yale Law Alumni Affairs
203-432-1690
alumni.law@yale.edu

Please let them know how you feel about child abusing alums like Amy Chua.

random transplant

...or about tenured professor's cashing in on their job tittles for books whose subjects they know nothing about.

Thank god for bloated class sizes - if this woman took a "personal interest" in my child, I'd call the police.

Sara Smithy

Welcome to hell little girl. How to teach piano to a 7 year old according to Amy Chua TIGER MOMMIE DEAREST

“I threatened her with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was secretly afraid she couldn’t do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly, self-indulgent and pathetic…. I used every weapon and tactic I could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I wouldn’t let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom.”

Sick! This woman should be arrested and charged with child abuse.
I am boycotting all of her books and speaking engagements.
Yale should force her to step down!

my_beanus

Do we really need to give her more exposure?

RevWaldo

I'm no expert on the subject, but I understand that during the Cultural Revolution the student Red Guards were particularly harsh to (western) classical music teachers e.g. piano and violin teachers. I'm guessing now it was more about misdirected payback than issues of western "decadence" - "Who's playing Greensleeves wrong now, muthafuka?!"

BrooklynJay

The really sad part of all this? Ms. Chua is one of many Asian mothers who do indeed parent this way. I think you're only hearing about it now because most of the mothers who parent in this manner are usually from China and don't speak or write english well. It's amazing to me that Ms. Chua continued the tradition. Most people rebel against this type of upbringing and find a different and better way.

It would really be interesting to find out how well adjusted her children are. The friends and relatives I have that were all raised in this traditional manner are all socially awkward among other issues.

E!

Alternate title "Honey I Neglected the Kids!"

robingee

Meh, this lady's full of it. It's supposed to be funny but it's just dumb.

nycviabos

Her anecdotes are farcical, but it seems quite plausible that Chua lacks all self-awareness.
The reviews of Chua's other two books on Amazon.com seem to indicate that she seems more than willing to write very seriously about subjects that she does not fully understand.

airtech1

Chua writes satire ala Swift, only to realize that her daughters will never catch the humor and allusion. How could they -- they're forbidden from becoming English majors.

TheLexiphane

Just from those two excerpts, I am now convinced that Chua's book is 100% satire. And that she is is pretty hilarious.

Hugh G. Rection

just from those two excerpts, I am no convinced that Chua is a 100% CUNT. And that she is pretty good at it.

Rocknrope

Unfortunately it seems that it's not. Someone wrote Chau regarding about how her "perfect" sister committed suicide a month after her wedding because she was ashamed about not being "perfect" with depression. Chau replied back that the book is more nuanced that the WSJ article conveys, not that she was pretending to be The Onion.