If You Don't Hire a Bartender For Your Party, You're Pathetic

You are a worthless P.O.S. if you don't hire a bartender for your house party, say people who own catering companies and two random douchebags. This is a certified trend, according to the Times Thursday Style section, which, ahem, reports that "a growing crowd of 30-something New Yorkers who wish to signal they’ve graduated from post-collegiate squalor to young professional coming of age... won’t invite friends over for cocktails without the assistance of a bartender — eve [sic] if there’s barely room for the bartender to stand." Interviews with caterers and people who've hired bartenders confirm it, and here are the three most infuriating quotes from this most infuriating of articles:

"I’m an adult now, living by myself, and this is my sh-bam, my moment," said Claudia Argiro, who paid almost $200 for a bartender/status symbol for a party at her 400-square-feet Williamsburg apartment. The bartender didn't mix any drinks, but simply poured vodka punch or rum eggnog into clear plastic cups
"In my opinion, if you don’t have a bartender at your party, you’re a loser. The bartender brings class and sophistication. If you can’t afford to hire a bartender, you shouldn’t be having a party," opined Dustin Terry, a guest whose career is "getting models and Saudi royalty into hot clubs." Here's Terry's classy, sophisticated Myspace page!
Indeed, Argiro's investment paid off, because another guest, Eric Carson, reported feeling "very sophisticated at this party. And I usually feel like a complete dirt bag."

In the end, Argiro was thrilled with how hiring a bartender brought "a chic, Mad Men vibe to the party." Yep, nothing says Mad Men like a guy pouring drinks into plastic cups in a tiny crowded Brooklyn apartment! Ooh, is that Jon Hamm! History will surely look back at Argiro's fabulous event as The Party of the Century, and you'll no doubt want to kill yourself because you're one of the many losers who wasn't invited. If so, do us a favor by jumping off the roof of Argiro's building, after setting it on fire.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@gothamist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By John Del Signore in Food on December 9, 2010 1:26 PM

Comments [rss]

talientoiii

What's worse...Not feeling "chic" because there's no bartender in a 400 sq ft apartment, or being so inept that you can't pour a decent drink yourself???

I'm glad I can mix a drink for me and a friend at a small get together...now if I had to play mixologist at a wedding or large party I might feel a little different...note to the trendy and obnoxious: "GET OVER YOURSELVES".

stevenp

I'll pass on the hire. I have a nice 10' well-stocked granite-topped bar in my loft, and my main pleasure when having gatherings is tending the bar myself. I get to talk to everybody and can make sure they are getting excellent drinks. (Yes, I know how to mix and see no need to hire a stranger to do so.)

Ragingsemi

Oooooooh Mr. Fancy Pants...we're all so jealous of your huge...loft.

Ragingsemi

I'm posting on Craigslist as a bartender for hire as we speak. Shit I can pour things into cups...

mrnoah

Sounds like the daily NY Times douchebag article of the day

ProcedureTurn

One good reason to have bartender is to monitor the liquor. I've been to several house parties where someone tries to steal bottles of wine or liquor. This not only disrespects the host, but it leaves less liquor available for the party. I think having a bartender is important for a party, unless its just a keg or BYOB.

starstruck13

I need to meet these people. if someone will pay me 200 for the night to hand out beers..im there.

JMH

"You are a worthless P.O.S. if you don't hire a bartender for your house party, say people who own catering companies and two random douchebags."

This is excellent.

dollarmenu

A bartender, but no bathroom attendant? How declasse.

ab_bklyn

The article was stupid but there is a great deal to be said for hiring someone to help you out during a big party so that you can actually relax and enjoy hosting. My husband and I have a big holiday party every year and we hire someone to mix drinks (we have a small menu of about 5 cocktails) and help clean up, put out more food, refill the ice bucket, etc. That way we actually have time to mingle and talk to our guests and enjoy ourselves.

Kojak

That indeed makes life easier, and it does add an air of sophistication to your party. But unfortunately it also makes you look like a snob.

For starters, buy enough different types of spirits, Rum, whiskey & scotch (With the appropriate mixers) for people to get up and mix their own drinks. How hard is it to make a rum & coke with half rum & half coke? As for food, pick a BUNCH menu off menupages and deliver. Is it really that hard? Or go nuts and order a KEG. There are plenty of Keg suppliers that deliver Kegs with a variety of brews as well as wines and spirits.

EastRiver

I don't think having the bartender makes you a snob. Acting like it's a necessity is what makes one a snob. That said, it looks ridiculous if your apartment is under 1000 square feet or if you have under 50 guests. Why not add a coat check girl while you're at it? And if your guests demand a full bar maybe you should have your party at a bar or restaurant. I thought that hot trend eight to 10 years ago according to the Style section of the Times. If your guests demand complicated drinks made by a master mixologist you need new friends.

Johnny Toughguy

At all my super hip boho williamsburg waterfront loft art vibe young cool sexy madmen parties we have only the most malnourished little black boys running around spit shining our guests shoes.

TheRealCannibal

I thought most parties in Williamsburg were for douchey losers... I didn't realize they could differentiate between their own kind....

Kojak

How can you signal you've graduated from post-collegiate squalor when you live in a 400 Sq ft apartment with money you could have used to finance a 2BR Condo somewhere else that's more livable, and have money left over to drink beverages other than vodka punch or rum eggnog, which only pathetic douchebags with elitist attitudes drink?