In the harsh light of post-season baseball, the Mets were found wanting for the fourth year in a row. Instead of watching them battle for the pennant with the Phillies, Mets fans are left with the next best thing: keeping tabs on one of their many ridiculous legal battles. Holding our attention today is the case of Ellen Massey, who had her back broken on opening day 2007 when a 300-pound man fell on her. The case was stalled for a time when the man couldn't be located, but now lawyers are arguing whether he and/or the Mets organization and/or their beer vendor, Aramark, should be held responsible for the accident.

Massey's lawyers argue that the Mets and Aramark should both be held responsible for serving 300-pound Timothy Cassidy beer even when he was visibly drunk, and for failing to have security remove him from the game. "He was unable to pronounce the word 'Phillies' or say 'Let's Go Mets,'" and he was yelling at other fans who weren't cheering hard enough, Massey's lawyer contended. The Mets shot back that the fall was "very random and unforeseeable," and "He may have been obnoxious, but that's not the same thing as challenging someone to a fight." Aramark, who has separate lawyers, said their employees don't remember serving Cassidy beer. Cassidy's lawyer says his client wasn't drunk, and had been pushed over by another patron.

So it's a giant four-way lawyer fest of "I-didn't-do-its" in Mets land. The real crime here (besides the broken spine) is Massey's loyal delusions of Mets grandeur: in her suit she wrote that despite her broken vertebra, "she's still a fan and she wants them to win the World Series."