Local Paper Eggs On Anonymous Bike Vandal

Must be the Crusader's day off. (Fists With Your Toes)

In an exclusive scoop, The Brooklyn Paper reports that an unidentified asshole in Williamsburg is going around squirting Krazy Glue into bike locks, because, as he puts it, "There is a bike crisis. Every pole in the neighborhood is littered with them... These Yuppies are running the whole damn city, and I’m left to my own devices." Due to the "sensitive nature of this story," reporter Andy Campbell does not identify the vandal, so it's up to the Brooklyn DA to compel the paper to turn over its source for prosecution. Is Andy Campbell Gersh Kuntzman's Judith Miller?!

Calling himself the Crusader, the vandal claims he's disgusted by the surge in cyclists and the city officials who "allow them into the neighborhood... The people in this community are tired of bikes crowding the sidewalks for two, three weeks at a time, blocking the walkways. No bike is safe... The Yuppies... have turned this beautiful neighborhood into an eyesore. Watch out for your locks."

While it's true there is a desperate need for bike racks in the neighborhood—especially near the L train stop at Bedford Avenue—we're not sure "Yuppie" is the preferred nomenclature. Yuppies are the ones blocking the sidewalk with their drunken bodies, not bikes, outside Sea; or leaving their Escalades double parked while eating bunny rabbits at Marlow & Sons. But however you want to generalize it, the bicycling boom has come to symbolize a growing schism between the neighborhoods' various factions, which include Hasidim, Poles, Puerto Ricans, Italian-Americans, first-wave aging bohemians, Yuppies, Tools, Trinitarios, Hipsters, Blipsters, Freegans, Foodies, D-bags, Gutter Punks, the Bedford Avenue Preacher and the singing Subaru guy. Now add to that irrational S.O.B.s who squirt glue into bike locks.

According to The Brooklyn Paper, locking a bike to any parking signs or bus stop signs is illegal. But Noah Budnick of Transportation Alternatives tells us, "Our attorneys believe is it legal to park a bike to a sign post, etc. as long as it's not blocking the sidewalk." If it is illegal, it's seldom enforced, and with a dearth in available City Racks, where else are you going to lock your bike? Budnick adds, "If this person is concerned about inadequate bike parking, they should reach out to us. We've been working on the problem in Williamsburg for years!

"We want to solve it because it makes the already narrow sidewalks in that increasingly popular, walkable neighborhood more crowded, especially for the increasing number of families. This person is making the problem worse because now the bikes will never move!" Exactly—if the Crusader really wants to make a difference, he needs to dynamite the damn bikes.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@gothamist.com with further questions, comments or tips.

By John Del Signore in News on August 10, 2010 10:47 AM

Comments [rss]

myyandex

http://www.myyandex.com/

Cannibal

Hipster on Hipster crime... will it ever end?

ohhleary

Fine! You agree with me that car owners, per se, directly pay into government coffers, and that cyclists, per se, pay nothing. Good, we agree on that.

No, we don't. Car owners and cyclists both pay the same, unless those car owners are parking in metered spaces... most car owners in New York City don't park at meters, they circle for hours just to find a free space.

Next, are you saying that people should be able to lock their personal property on the sidewalk, whether it be a bike, or an old computer, or an old sofa?

No. Let me connect the dots for you: cars take up tons of public space on the street and their owners pay the same for maintenance of that street as cyclists. So why can't parking spaces be used to park bikes rather than cars? That's the argument I'm making.

The personal property argument is absurd, because bikes are not the equivalent of a computer or sofa. They are personal transportation, just like cars.

Såkandulæredet

I just hate how the bike people can't be arsed to follow the fucking traffic laws. It's like they are too holier than thou to stop at a red light, they just blindly bike forward, "look at me I'm carbon-neutral and shit, I can do what I want". Anyway, the police need to start issuing citations for this kind of behaviour because they could really hurt someone.

Spirit of 76

Oh, jeez. You're something else. Anything having the least bit to do with bicycles ends up with yet another complaint from you about how cyclists flout traffic laws. Do you have anything at all to say about bicycle parking or the Crusader? Didn't think so.

The Edge

cool story bro

D.Lane

I drive, walk and sometimes bike all over the city.

When I drive I stay clear of the bike lane, I check my rear view for upcoming bikers, I give pedestrians clear right of way.

When I bike I stay out of cars way. I have never had a confrontation when driving or biking.

Its when I'm walking I have confrontations. Big SUV's and little hot rods cut me off when I'm crossing a street. Same thing with bikers not following rules of the road.

That's why when walking I carry a pocket full of rocks. I'm like Nolan Ryan when it comes to hitting the back window of speeding cab or doofus biker in the back of the head.

I recommend it as a good defensive/offensive measure. And if you can't throw well, get yourself a used golf club.

Sketto

Wars for oil + demise of American automakers = more people on bikes. Read the paper, friends - W'burg ain't the only place dealing with this. Bikes are your future.

Perry

Let me make it quite clear, Crusader... If you touch my bike...I will beat the living sh*t out of you! Not because I'm violent, or because I disagree with you. You're going to get beat for vandalizing my personal property. You're making an assumption without making a distinction. Not every bike is part of the problem, a great deal of us lock our bikes up outside in between home and going to/coming from somewhere else. Even if it's 4:00 AM, I could be on my way home, and now I gotta call a locksmith or a cop to assist me? C'mon, dude. What you're doing is dangerous and could get you killed.

Mordicai

Everytime I get annoyed at bikers I just remember how much more I hate drivers. How they park for free on public streets, for instance-- since that is germane to the issue of parking bikes. Sure, this is an impractical act on the biker's part, but if a fraction of the transportation budget was used to, I don't know, put in some bike racks, then it would be a non-issue. I'm not a biker, but I think they deserve way more space on the streets than they have. Private cars are a bane; I'm not talking cabs or buses or trucks, but cars. Stupid cars.

dollarmenu

"We need to clear the sidewalk for...people getting out of cars," the Crusader said, adding..."the Yuppies have turned this beautiful neighborhood into an eyesore."

Man, that is rich. He's anti-Yuppie and wants to clear the sidewalk for people getting out of cars? Hey guy: don't try to dress this up like it's a crusade against yuppies, you're just an asshole who doesn't like bikes parked on your street. Now go get hit by a car.

spiritross

He should move on to beards

All these Bart Simpsons and Peter Pans should learn that real men shave twice a day - and hell common sense dictates that only a dumb ass unemployable doesn't shave when its 90 degrees outside

glen glenn

Yeah man. Way to ...shave?

NannyState

I thought that was superglue in their beards.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

NlGGAZ

Nooo! Damn, I just started hanging out in Wburg after they opened up the flushing ave bike lane connecting Park slope with the burg. I never really went to wburg before except for peter lugers every couple of years. Now, I see why people like wburg so much. I like it cause it actually feels like a post apocalyptic wasteland but with good blu bottle coffee. The shops suck though. I went to the major bike shops and they were absolute shite! Canal bikes is a lot better. You can also tell that there is a big discrepancy between the e village hipster and the wburg hipster. They both wear skinny cutoff jeans but the wburg hipster wears more horizontal striped tank tops. Not only that but the tank tops aren't real tank tops, they are cut from a oversized t-shirt! E. village hipsters are also a little more preppy, sort of like prepsters. Overall, I wouldn't want to live in wburg but it's nice to visit. Shame about this krazy glue jizzing guy.

jules1000

if a particular sidewalk is extremely overcrowded with parking bikes, they could perhaps install bike racks on the street, taking up the space of one parked car perhaps....

jules1000

I like the word "prepsters"

John Del Signore

Thank you, Carles.

photoballads

clever, another asshole artist trying to get attention by being a total d-bag and then calling it art.

Suggestion 1.super glue you'r own property.

2. If you are really upset of things blocking the a street, tack baby strollers up on poles in Carroll Gardens and PArk Slope!