My Bologna Has a First Name, It's C-A-N-C-E-R

In case you didn't know already, sodium nitrate and sodium nitrite—a food additives and preservatives which are found naturally in many leafy greens—have, like pretty much anything we put in our bodies, been criticized as dangerous in large doses. The World Cancer Research fund already found nitrate consumption may lead to colon cancer, but a new US study shows a "positive nonlinear association for red meat cold cuts" and bladder cancer. Might want to go in for a check up, Chestnut.

The study, which assessed nitrate intake in 300,000 men and women, says, "Nitrate and nitrite are precursors to N-nitroso compounds (NOCs), which induce tumors in many organs, including the bladder, in multiple animal species." And though this might make you question that bologna sandwich you had for lunch, there seem to be a lot of caveats related to the study. It found those ate the most processed red meats were at 28 to 29 percent greater risk for bladder cancer, but those who ate the most processed red meats also tended to eat less fruits and vegetables, were less physically active, were more likely to smoke and in general had higher BMIs. We're not scientists, but those might be contributing factors.

The good news is that researchers found no correlation between bladder cancer and consumption of non-processed red meats like hamburger, sausage, bacon or steak. To celebrate, let's all enjoy comic Patton Oswalt's take on Black Angus' aggressive advertising tactics: