Two state legislators from Brooklyn are leading an effort to tighten a loophole in a State Liquor Authority rule prohibiting bars from opening within 200 feet of schools and places of worship. This would save pious worshipers from temptation by the devil's spirits, and prevent their prayers from being distracted by the sounds of sinful barroom chatter. The current law allows liquor license applicants to measure the distance from door-to-door, but if the new bill passes (it was already approved by the Senate), the SLA will start measuring it from the property lines.
"The spirit of the bill is that we don’t get overwhelmed by bars and restaurants," Carroll Gardens resident Glenn Kelly tells the Post. Can you imagine what a nightmare New York would turn into if more places to eat and drink opened up?! Under this loophole, one bar was even able to open on Court Street directly across the from St. Mary’s Star of the Sea Church, because their doors were technically just far enough apart. God only knows how many sober souls Satan plucked from that congregation. You are saviors, Senator Dan Squadron and Assemblymember Joan Millman!