Bike Riders Crowding Bedford Avenue! (In 1896)
Egads, behold these infernal hip-sters clogging Bedford Avenue with their fixed-gear "safety bicycles." And good heavens, there is a slatternly dressed female cyclist pedaling among them, a sight that's certain to scandalize the local Hasidim (someday)! This photograph—probably taken during one of their incessant political demonstrations demanding fanciful traffic regulations—clearly shows these ped-HELL-ers' wanton disregard for pedestrians and locomotives alike. Reached for comment, one Wiley Ignatius Norvel, who represents a criminal anarchist group in favor of bicycle proliferation, stridently asked, "How many bicyclists must be injured after slipping in manure before the Brooklyn carriage industry equips their horses with absorbent diapers?"
These rabble-rousing bicyclists also have the temerity to demand a separate lane of traffic that would only be used by themselves! Obviously, this ridiculous idea of dividing street traffic into such "lanes" is the stuff of Jules Verne fantasy, and as one commenter on a popular Gotham pamphlet sagaciously opined, "Clearly, the independent city of Brooklyn is no place for two wheeled commuters! These transplants should return to their home state of Ohio at once!"
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