Salad Is Bullshit

If people would only learn to cook their salads for at least ten minutes, none of this would happen.

I just scrub all my salad greens with soap and water and then soak them in Purell Hand Sanitizer for an hour. That, of course, is before running them in the dishwasher on the pot scrubber cycle.

Then again, Bear Grylls eats feces all the time and hes healthy as an ox

You know all that fecal matter is from cows, right? The cows in a CAFO shit in the same spot until someone trucks it away, and when it rains it runs down and infects all the farms along the way.

Not sayin' I don't eat beef ... but saying that salads aren't really the problem here.

As long as this doesn't affect the salad greens content in my prepackaged fecal matter purchases I'm willing to look the other way.

After looking at the picture of "Miss Salad 2010" again, might I ask the question, "Are there any pictures of her standing vertically without support?"

Most Boston lettuce is grown by hydroponics (sp?).

No dirt, no fertalizers, no pesticides, no chemicals. Just indoor pools of awesomely leafy deliciousness.

Downside is the price, but it's worth it. It's sweeter and more buttery, if you will.

Awesome Simpsons reference btw.

And we know how much NY loves Boston.

(Boston lettuce rocks though.)

Damnit! I just bought some earth bound veggies yesterday. Crap! I guess this means its laxative time.

Dude, they are way tastier if you take them out of potting soil prior to eating them.

what's grosser? finding out that salad has shit in it or that bacon bits is made out of pig genitalia?

If you've done shrooms then you're probably used to the taste of a little shit.

I would say the shit because you can get sick from it. Pig genitalia cooked is healthy and tasty!!

Now if we only served that at Gitmo I'm sure we wouldn't need water sports.

*pumps fist*

Is that Snooki's better looking younger sister?

Save money - buy real heads of lettuce instead of pre washed bagged shit. Produces much less waste too. Buy a fucking salad spinner and wash your own salad. It will lst longer in your fridge too.

Better yet, fuck salad, eat MEAT.

Right. Because meat is never contaminated. Oh wait..

And how will you get your salad any cleaner than the engineered industrial machines that bagged salad companies use?

I'm speculating here, but I don't even know if the problem is a function of the cleaning. I have heard (and no, I'm not going to post links, because I don't remember, and I'm not a journalist, so there!) that the problem has to do with the initial product--the bagged salad comes from fields that are adjacent to/downstream of livestock, which equals poo, which equals e coli and such.

Our best bet is probably to buy local (which is more possible in this city than it was in my suburban hometown that was actually 10 minutes from actual farms) and organic--to be certified, plants must be grown a certain distance/with specific blocks put up to prevent runoff. And the washing part, too.

You don't win friends with salad - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0W5x5kugnbs.

Don't let the name fool you, it's not actually a floor at all- but more a series of grates that allow loose meat to fall through.

Winner winner.

Leeee-sa, don't eeeeat meee.

Think of how long ago that episode aired. Now realize how old we are.

I am sad.

Just one week ago I was up all night on the toilet after eating "pre-washed" bagged salad. Believe!!

I ate bagged salad once. And without going into too much detail it came out looking the same as when it went in, over and over and over again for around 24 hours straight. No more of that for me.

"homeless guy squirting urine and feces"

Why is this is quotation marks? Nowhere in the linked story from 2001 does it claim that the urine/feces sprayer was homeless.

Do you just assume that he must be homeless to commit this kind of disgusting act, because homeless people are disgusting? Did you put it in quotation marks to make it seem like you weren't the one furthering ignorant stereotypes, that someone else was referring to him as homeless, not you?

Bite me, self-righteous troll.

Wow, John, oversensitive much? Your wording implied that the quote was from the Times story. It wasn't, and he called you out on it. Chill out.

The Daily News? Seriously? Well then, it must be true.

Why not link that story, instead of the Times story?

I know it's more prestigious to regurgitate stories from the Times, but sometimes you just have to slum it and report on stories reported on in the Daily News, if only for accuracy’s sake.

You think the Times doesn't get things wrong? That's a joke.

The News is as credible as the Times. Calling yourself the Newspaper of Record don't make it so.

i have no idea who that woman is or where i'm at, but i'll gladly adopt her sweater puppies.

Sure, you don't know who she is. Because you only watch PBS and read biographies of historical figures.

And the National Geographic and Travel Channels.

neither. but rest assured your clairvoyant powers are amazing anyway.

Given Kim's past, a little Enterococcus is the least of her infectious worries.

I wonder if that's why salad always upsets my whole digestive system. Betcha salads at restaurants are twice as bad as the bagged ones.

I waited tables in a restaurant where one of the people at my table found a pubic hair in their kids salad. It was effing huge. I went back to the kitchen with it, expressed my disgust, and all the guys back there laughed at me and said "who was making salad with their pants down?! Ha Hah Hah!"

Yeah. That's who's making your food.

I bet salads made in most folks homes are three times as bad as those in restaurants.

Steamed veggies are the way to go.

You mean felix? He's over at the salad bar ladling on the Thousand Island with bacon bits.

Why do you guys hyperlink the most random words when you refer to another article or story? You were actually better than usual in this post, up until the end. When you hyperlink "the occasional" instead of "homeless guy squirting urine and feces incident", there's no way to tell what the fuck you are linking to. You might as well just put the link at the end of the article with a random string of characters.

the linking, or name-dropping other articles even when the context is flimsy, is online marketing for search engines. also, super sexy woman relaxing on couch with salad is also online marketing for page-counts: i mean, i'm here and i couldn't care less about salad.

there's an article on this page?