Subway Douchery Brings Up Underground Etiquette

Don't forget the even douchier variety of The Pole Hogger -- the one that rests his/her ass on the pole by the door, practically plopping down on the shoulder of the poor guy legitimately occupying the seat below. And then falls asleep in that position.

The only douchebag here seems to be the guy who created this blog. Getting worked up about plants and kids on the subway? Really? This guy's going to have a stroke by 40 for being way too uptight. My advice: move back to Ohio, so you'll have less to complain about.

Nothing douchey about the guy w/the plant. How's that going in a cab? Soil would spill out. And width-wise, it takes up no more room than an obese person.

He couldn't walk it with a leash? What a lazy jerk.

Here's my story:

On the M train one evening, there was a couple sitting in the end seats directly across from me. They looked 50-60-ish, but probably as a direct result of drug use. Both of them were absolutely haggard, with saggy leather-tan skin and peroxide-scraggly hair. They were clearly both stoned out of their minds.

They were all over each other, making out, groping various body parts. At one point, the woman appeared to have passed out, and the guy kept smacking her head and pulling her hair to wake her up while simultaneously grabbing her saggy breasts under her sweater. At this point I was seriously considering moving cars, but was too exhausted to want to give my seat up.

And then the guy started to take off his clothing.

And I was out of there.

People pay for adult entertainment, you got it for free and your complaining?

Believe me -- I've never seen anything that nasty on the internet, and I've seen 2 girls 1 cup. You just have to see the couple to understand what I mean.

What the blog is attempting to call out is not "douchery." It's dickishess or assholory.

I have no problem with what the blog is trying to do, but this blog:douche::your parents:bling

This Subway Douchery blog is the typical drivel you'd expect from the new generation of moronic 20-something y.o. transplants who can't handle the "culture shock" of being in NYC, and as a result, constantly rant, rave, and whine about all the quirky things that make this city what it is. Everything's "douchery"; everything's horrible; everything's a travesty worth blogging and twittering about, usually in the most petulant way possible.

Yeah, a guy brought a plant onto a subway car. So what? Most people would see it as humorous or entertaining. Instead of seeing the humor of it or appreciating the fact that Plant Guy made an otherwise boring commute interesting, typical Twittering-Blogging-Facebooking 20s-something Transplant Moron just sees it as something to bitch and moan about.

BTW, ppl ranting about the family are idiots. Note the ANGLE of the picture, as well as how tightly he framed the shot. The guy deliberately took a picture of the family from a specific angle and framed them in tightly so you wouldn't see how wide the staircase really was. It's made to look as if they're taking up the entire staircase when they aren't.

Anyone notice how this asshole twice brags about reading Dean Koontz and then makes fun of some anonymous (minding her own business) lady's reading material?

It's funny because the person who took the photo of the daisy chain was probably the same type of person who can't walk around the city without having their Blackberry/iPhone out. And then they pause to take a photo of a happy grandfather and his grandson on the stairs.

All in all, this web-site is a FAIL.

I do agree tha tthe guy who comments on the pics sounds like a lotof the hipstes he attemptsto make fun of.. Im sure he has a little BMX'er in his crib too.

"This web-site" refers to Subway Douchery. And partially Gothamist for promoting it.

THe website was kinda funny. Could use some better flicks... hopefully more submissions will be made.

I like the concept.. keep it coming!

Geez, people. Get your ironic radar out and return it to the store, 'cause it's failing!

i like n train gossip on twitter better (http://twitter.com/n_train_gossip). if im gonna read about someone making fun of subway goers.. i dont wanna read a whole damn article about it.

Awesome, I wish they call one for my train 1/2

Boo hoo. Someone is mildly inconveniencing an over-privileged white kid. Let's rudely take pictures of slightly annoying passengers and write three paragraphs of unwitty, dry slander for each one.

Another one the art of douchery:

The crazy mother that publicly rebukes and humiliates her kid(s) by yelling and having some sort of breaking down in rage scene when the kid was just displaying barely a 2% of what she's displaying, This mothers happen to be very young and very very uneducated. It is just ugly to see the verbal abuse this kids suffer in public.

Author of Subway Douchery Blog: Shut the fuck up.

You will not get a book deal.

And I bet your unfunny ass never proceeds to the empty, roomy center of the train car to allow other passengers to also fit inside. I'm sure you always hang out by the door, even though you're the first one of a half dozen passengers to enter.

You sir, are Subway Douchery.

People who eat on the train: that shit is fucking disgusting, knock it off. Screw you, Mr. 8.30am M-F Lorimer Station Onion-Laden Breakfast Burrito Guy. _Fuck_ you!

Chicken. You know that smell. You know how you feel when that smell reaches you.

That's it, I'm outta here. You've reached a new low, Gothamist, "reporting" on this moron's Web site.

A bit off topic, but anyone ever run into that "angel for the women" guy with the crazy mullet, who hides his face behind some folder because people are not worthy to see him and only preaches to the "lovely and pure women" on the subway car? F'n hilarious...

i laughed out loud a few times, but then as it went on and on and on... well i felt sorry for the lil blogger who's so miserable. i hate the subways too, and agree with most of that stuff, but why dwell on it? is this some kind of release? it gets me agitated just thinking about all the nonsense.

CHANGING THE SUBJECT:

is anyone as annoyed as me by the usage of the word "douche"? i mean its just plain gross. i don't know any women who douche, but i'm sure there are some out there, and this probably hurts their feelings. i'm serious! it's almost misogynistic. you know, on par with guys calling other guys pussies. but even women say this!

my point is, i just don't like the word.

sounds like you need a website.

most things on the subway don't bother me, but when people teach their kids to walk up stairs during rush hour or at any hour it damn near burns me. FUCKING PICK YOUR KID UP AND WALK UP THE STAIRS, THERE ARE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU WHO WANT TO GET UP AND OUT!

wasn't this originally blackpeopleonthesubway.com?

Now tell me if this doesn't take the cake. A "plus-size" woman who is invariably of African-American descent, dumps herself (with nary an ounce of compunction, mind you) beside you in a seat space fit for only an 8 year old Asian girl...

One plus-sized lady tried to squish herself and her 7-year old son in a one person sized seat next to me, effectively forcing me to donate my spot

On the art of douchery: Hate the ones using their mobile phone speaker as a boom-box to listen crap music.

That enrages me the most. It's like, do you not realize that 1) your taste in music is abysmal and 2) playing music on a speaker in an enclosed space is rude and offensive?

The punishment for this should be that the entire train is allowed to stomp on the mobile device and the person's head.

I called some guy out on that. He was sitting next to me and his music sounded like he had recorded it from a speaker. Jackass actually said "you're welcome," I decided he was probably dropped a few times as a baby

Hate the loud iPod users. Love the site, but why weren't subway missionaries included?

the iPod Touch has a speaker so that you don't need earphones. I think this was MADE to annoy people!

Also, I can't stand the subway missionaries either. I always seem to get them in my car on the express from 125 to 59th Street (so not just 1 minute of hell, but 7-8 minutes of loud hallelujahs and other such bullshit). This happened right before Christmas and everyone in the car started telling her to shut up, but she wouldn't. Seriously! shut up, dumbass born-again bitch!

Fuckin' whiny transplant. He should end up getting thrown onto the tracks. Oh, wait, he'd probably complain how some douche delayed his commute.

AHHHHHH! I love this blog. I particularly like reading it when I have trouble sleeping. ZING!!! Seriously though, this blog is the tops.

Rover...Why don't you take a short walk on a long pier. Wait, that's not right. Sorry, I've been drinking. Hey sweet cheeks, I'll take another Manhattan!

Let me guess - is this yet another website created by a self-possessed hipster douchebag who's lived in this city for less than six months...

If only I had taken a picture of that homeless person taking a dump on the A train!!! I'm sure I'll see him again!

I'm glad I missed the meeting somewhere in the last 10-yrs when a bunch of ducks got together and decided to revive the word "douche."

But that shit really caught on, because apparently there were not enough derogatory words in the English language. Now all the parrots chirp that shit too. That and my favorite, "hipster."

And it figures that someone from PA would use it in the title of his dumbass website in a sad attempt to ridicule New Yorkers.

i think it was Jon Stewart who lent credibility to the term 'douche'. I don't remember hearing it much until he started to use it on the daily show.

the blog is just mean spirited and half the captions don't make sense. half the time it looks like the blogger is making an effort to find subway douchery in any old situation he/she can capture on his/her phone. we all know there is plenty of actual subway douchery out there, but i don't think it's found on this blog. i'm not a fan.

sounds like I should start carrying my hypodermic needle.

I often think of this as a viable solution to my 4/5 train rush hour problem but at least on that line they move if you push them.

It would do wonders to part the MetroNorth-bound crowd when I try to get through Grand Central though.

(If I had to deal with the F at rush hour I'd probably just give in to temptation)

Seriously, can't the MTA work out a sponsorship deal with Purell?

I only seem to see this Queens, but I hate people who hold onto the subway pole via their clenched buttocks.

Recently, I saw a woman who was holding onto a subway pole with a tissue between her hand and the pole. She then takes the tissue, blows her nose with it, then continues to use the now used tissue to hold the pole with. Congratulations, your mucus membranes have just received every germ from the pole, and the pole just received all of the germs from your mucus membranes.

A better blog to check out is: http://niccageaseveryone.blogspot.com/

hahahahaaaa. Those pics are great!! Nick is one of my favorites and seeing him like that makes me like him even more. ha. Good ones man.

Related: http://neverforgetkeanu.blogspot.com/

HAHAHAHAHAHA I haven't stopped laughing for like 15 minutes. My roommate must think I'm nuts.

Apropos of absolutely nothing--that is hysterical.

Sometimes I see this asshole waiting for the N train at Union Square with an upright piano. What kind of jerk brings one of those on the subway?

He pushes that sucker in the snow too. Crazy.

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/03/07/2009-03-07_crazy_in_e_flat_determined_piano_man_col.html

This guy?

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/08/31/nyregion/thecity/31pian.html

Yeah, that's the one. I'm going to call the cops from a payphone next time I see him.

Hmm I like that guy. As long as he isn't doing it during rush hour, I don't see the harm.

There's a video circulating on the web of 2 guys giving each other gobble jobs on the A train. One of them shoots on the back of a seat and the other unloads on the pole. I doubt they cleaned up after themselves.

The rest of this stuff's just tiresome. Anyway, who gets home after riding the subway with annoying people and wants to look at them on the Internet.

good idea, poorly executed

Agreed. The guy writing it is not funny at all. The twice mentioned Dean Koontz reading material says it all.

I thought the same thing! Dean Koontz seemed like a good writer when I was 12.

Everyone has done something to annoy someone on the train at some point in their lives. I was hoping for a new funny website to follow but I have to admit it was just random subway shots and and a random 'shot' at making a funny caption - zing!

- group of loudmouth high school kids

- people popping and smacking their gum

- stopping at the top/bottom of the stairs or outside/inside the car doors

- people not paying attention to their screaming/crying kids

- people who lean on the poles, and against my hand!

They're all the biggest of douches in my book.

The guy with the tree ain't doing that all the time, so that'd fine by me. But I have to put up with all that other crap on a daily basis - and it drives me nuts!

Folks who clip their nails.

Folks who put ketchup on their food.

Blech! Stinks up the whole car!

Ugh, I hate loud mouth high school kids. Traveling at rush hour is fine by me but getting on the N at 3pm on a weekday is my own personal hell

Okay. I saw a guy that had pipes- yeah pipes for plumbing- that were, at least 8 feet long dragging that rusty shit through the turnstile (holding up everyone of course). Then, down the stairs and onto the train. We all had to wait behind him while he manuvered them through the train door and onto the floor. They spanned the length of an entire bench and everyone was tripping on them as they rolled around. And, of course, it was Union square at 6PM. Ass!

Agreed, the douchiest part of that website is the writer.

Good. Finally a forum for publicly shaming every stupid thug that's ever blocked up to three seats with his legs wide open like he's at the godamned gynocology office.

Or, for the fat, hysterical tourist that clutches the entire pole with her body, hence engulfing my hands in her massive laundry bag pannis.

OH YES I WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU CARRY YOUR STROLLER DOWN THE STAIRS

BECAUSE IT WAS SUCH A JOY TO LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD SCREAM FOR FORTY-FIVE MINUTES

I ONLY WISH I COULD DO MORE TO THANK YOU

When you get in the train, move to the center so others can get on too. Taking one step into the car and stopping is a nuisance for everyone behind you. If you need to get off at the next stop you shouldn't have shoved to be the first person on.

couldnt have said it better myself

Or blocking the door when it opens so no one can get off. That makes me want to start throwing punches and screaming.

Yes, yes and yes. Whenever the train is crowded and a bunch of people have to get off, I step off the train so I'm not blocking anyone's exit. Here is the thing though: I did this a few weeks ago and expect the people who are on the platform to make space for me at the side of the door so I can get back on the train before them, being that I was already on the train before they were. Is this wrong to expect this? One a-hole got in a tizzy when I tried to make space for myself on the side of the door as people were pouring off of the train. In my opinion, that guy was a prick...

"That makes me want to start throwing punches"

I just throw a hockey-style shoulder check. And then always toss an "excuse me" back over my shoulder. Wouldn't want to be rude.

A friend of a friend shouldered someone out of the way and the next thing he knew he was sucker punched from behind and beaten. Your mileage may vary.

I was part of a crowd of forty or so people running from the 6 to catch a just-arriving F at Bleecker last night and the first person to get in the door (that we are all entering) takes one step in and stops and starts fiddling with her ipod, directly in the middle of the doorway. I mean I guess it's cool to have an excuse to give someone a good shove, but c'mon.

Jesus, yes.

whats really f*cked up is people taking pictures of other people without their permission and making fun of them on the internet. also using the word douche, is a sign you are one.

I wont go to the site, but neither of the pictures are offensive. wait till a homeless person vomits on you, then go on the site and complain about the death of manners, till then, grow up b*tches.

You have no right to expect privacy once you're out in the public so anyone who's anyone i.e. cops, building security, tourist, pervs can take all the pix/videos of you. Would it be nice if they ask permission first? Sure, but this is New York people do as they well damn please without getting your approval.

all of you guys are cracking me the fuck up right now. i was starting to think that i was a complete asshole for having the same thoughts

It's New York. People bring plants and things on the train. It's part of what makes our city so interesting. And someone's asleep in their seat? Who cares? How does that hurt anyone?

And why is that blog so screamy and manic? Jesus.

That plant looks familiar. I bet he bought it at Whole Foods. Double Douche.

But really, how are you going to get a six foot tall tree in a cab? Retard(s).

The train sways. They will almost always start to lean on you, wake up, start to lean on you, wake up, etc. It's not a big deal if they're young and at least mildly attractive, but I don't like when old people or scary people do it.

I initially thought the kid was flanked by parents holding either hand, but upon seeing the full photo I see that is not the case. Still annoying, but forgivable.

I sit in the end seats and fart because I like the way it smells. Also I tend to rub boogers on the wall.

you are a fucking genious and a saint. please tell us more of your hilarious exploits (not being sarcastic)

The worst was the guy who brought a mattress on the train. Nobody could go past him in either direction and it went all the way up past his head. If looks could kill that guy's mangled body would have been found in the car later that night.

Oh, and it WAS at rush hour.

Was that mattress wrapped in plastic? Can you imagine dragging a mattress along a subway platform and then the floor of a train? What did it pick up along the way? Snot, urine and crime scene DNA evidence. And then the loser fuck sleeps on it? Ewwww.

Ha. I'll make sure my roommate receives your complaint.

Yeah let's label a little kid a douche because they are walking up the stairs with some adult supervision. Please fuck off already-you people make me fucking sick. Bunch of cowardly pussies getting all snarky towards a little kid. I hate you.

I want to step on people's just for wearing flip flops down there, thats disgusting and if you don't think so than you either a: have a poor sense of what good hygiene means, or b: you are from a CLEAN part of the country and think that NYC subway is the same as let's say, Long Beach. Which it fucking isn't if you have eyeballs. So that leaves a: you are a filthy turd.

I know that kid, and he's a total douche.

It's not the kid who's a douche, he doesn't know any better. It's the adult with the kid who should know not to let the kid stand in the way of people who are trying to get somewhere.

But it's a little kid walking up the stairs they may have needed the adult's help. What the hell should the responsible adult do? Let the kid get trampled by some fucking douche who cannot wait 15 to 30 seconds to allow for someone slower than themselves to walk up the goddamn stairs? This is simply disgusting and I hate the asshole who created that stupid site...

the responsible adult can pick up the kid and carry him up

Neither the woman nor the old man look like they could easily pick up a kid that size and carry him up two or more flights of subway stairs. And I don't see them blocking anyone, so what's the big problem?

Here's how you walk a kid up subway steps: follow behind the kid holding his hands (and even this is annoying). You don't need two people to help him walk up the stairs.

But the picture doesn't give any indication of how self-aware the threesome was, how much space is on their left, how fast the kid is, etc.. It is certainly apparent that it is not rush hour.

the responsible adult could also wait a few extra seconds while the kids climbs the stairs-not have a seizure because they are slightly inconvenienced for 30 seconds, and not be a complete dick about it. the responsible adult could also not post pictures about this on a blog and label the scene douchey

If it's rush hour, it's not a matter of fifteen seconds for one person. It fucks up the traffic patterns for everyone and is going to end up inconveniencing hundreds of people.

What I hate on the subway is when I'm standing on the subway and a seat opens up and I let a lady take it, but before she can make it to the seat, some dude shoves by and sits.