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A popular high school English teacher has been suspended after assigning his 11th-grade students a short story about masturbation by "Fight Club" author Chuck Palahniuk. Greg Van Voorhis, 30, issued copies of "Guts" — which details three increasingly catastrophic masturbation attempts by teenagers with props including a carrot, a candle, and the water intake at the bottom of a swimming pool — to about about 100 students gearing up for the English Regents exam. That didn't go over so well with school administrators at the Bronx School of Law and Finance in Marble Hill, where the seven-year veteran was quickly reassigned from his classroom duties while the Department of Education investigates.
Principal Evan Schwartz declined to say whether he thought the short story — which Palunhiak brags has made more than 60 people faint during live readings — was too obscene for teenagers. "I deemed for someone else to decide whether it was inappropriate," he said. "I had to report it."
But students at the school — where 96 percent of test-takers passed the English Regents with a score of 65 or above last year, compared to just 68.6 percent at other schools citywide — are rallying behind their teacher. "We're not little kids. We are in high school," said 15-year-old junior Omar Caminero. "It's not like we've never read anything like that — we have." Students have started a letter-writing campaign to Schools Chancellor Joel Klein and have created a "Save Mr. V" group on Facebook. Junior Frankchesca Jimenez, 16, defended her teacher's decision to assign the "Guts," which was first published in Playboy. "He didn't mean it to be anything other than something we could learn from."
This isn't the first time that Palahniuk's writings have been blamed for corrupting the kids. The 17-year-old suspected of detonating a bomb outside a Starbucks in the Upper East Side was apparently intent on starting his own "Project Mayhem" — a cult-like group intent on bringing down society that was dreamed up by the controversial writer in "Fight Club."
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I think I'm becoming an old fogey—I think I get why Mr. V was reassigned. Anyway, maybe first rule of English class should be "don't talk about English class."
groan
I read some of the comments on the Facebook page and find it more than a little disturbing that these kids are considered overachievers in English language studies.
yeah jen, i think it's because you're a mom now. the thing is, you want to talk to your kids about things like that & keep them innocent as long as possible, but the sad truth is that they aren't innocent long before they hit high school.
the only thing kids will learn from guts is that the only safe jerk is an old fashioned jerk
Ugh, Palahniuk.
I think there should be a facebook page that encourages Dear Mr V to ditch that horrible tie/shirt combo, shave that stupid beard and get a haircut.
We all know that the cool teachers go by their last name initial. Or "teach".
Yup, even more offensive that he chose Palahniuk? In the spirit of critic A. White, what a fraud and con job masquerading as serious fiction. Then again, typical white yuppie hipster choice for a -- (see photo).
The horror of having a 17 year old read about masturbation! Reading that story is probably the only time of day a 17 year old isn't masturbating.
What if he assigned 'Portnoy's Complaint', which is essentially an entire novel about masturbation, but is considered a modern classic.
America needs to grow up and stop being so weird about teaching kids about sex.
Reading that story is probably the only time of day a 17 year old isn't masturbating.
ROTFLMAO!
Best Post of the Day.
bad choice greg. lewdness aside, why bother to teach teens what they already know? by that age they've been fiddlin' with the carrot for years.
Stay away from the water intake at the bottom of the swimming pool!
Instead look for one of those water jets that ring the pool, usually around four feet below the water line. Much safer.
alternatively you could get a fleshlight or, the most expensive option, a girlfriend...but then again, we all know where that leads. back to the pool!
Or an even more likely alternative you can spend 25 minutes saying things like, "I love your Power Brain face," and rapping along to songs with lyrics like "I love my thalamus." Surely, that'll distract any kids from choking their chicken.
i don't know...all this talk of face lovin' is getting me hot. excuse me.
I love Palahniuk's stuff (partly because it is sexual but interesting) though it can be hit or miss with him. though I have no incliniation to read Guts. heard so much about it, reading it wouldn't be a surprise. would be like when one reads American Psycho "oh he does that? big whoop. already heard about that part."
Eh, I don't see why people care that teen-agers are reading stories about masturbation.
If more of them masturbated maybe fewer of them would become teenage parents.
But IMO Palahniuk (and I read his books) isn't worthy of a regents class.
There are hundreds of thousands of books that exist in the universe, and he chose to distribute Guts?
Why does Marble Hill have a school called the Bronx School of Law and Finance?
The same reason why there's a "Metropolitan Diploma Plus High" in Brownsville even though no one really ever score high enough to get a diploma.
I was asking because even though Marble Hill is physically attached to the Bronx, it's part of the Borough of Manhattan.
You're asking the NYC Department of Education to be logical and competent. You're new here aren't you.
To be honest, I just wanted to show off my geography knowledge.
That reply was supposed to go to schadenfreudian mensch.
Whomever named the school probably didn't realize that Marble Hill is technically part of Manhattan (though most residents consider themselves Bronxites).
Just FYI, Bronx School of Law and Finance is a charter school.
No, it's not a charter school. It's a traditional school.
How come Manhattan College is in the Bronx?
It is named after the Manhattan indians.
These kids need to be taught to hate their horrifying disgusting sex-parts! COME ON. We have to pretend like kids in High School don't know what masturbation is-- if we never talk about sex, how can they figure out how to self pollute? They never will! Genius!
Honestly though the real crime here is making people read Chuck Palahniuk.
Van Vooris looks like a poster boy for self-pleasure.
nice.
somebody is heading to the rubber room!
If these 11th graders don't know what masterbation then thats just plain sad for them. But we all know they already know what it is and already know diff techniques. Most are probably having sex. O h m y. But come on every book we read in HS has some sort of racey parts in it. There was a book that I read in 11th grade that talked about some girl masterbating (don't ask me the name i just remembered hating that book.) It wasn't a whole book about it but come on.
I think you meant Judy Blume's "Deenie."
Obviously there's nothing wrong with a good old fashioned whacking, but don't you think there are other more important things going on in the world that you could teach these students besides punching the monkey??
I don't know, just wonderin'.
Considering that they spend more time wanking than they do studying, watching TV, or playing sports COMBINED, I'd say its pretty important to ensure that they have the right techniques down.
Ha! This reminds me of everyone's favoite English teacher at my high school. His name awas also Gregg and he was a little over thirty. While he was a wonderfully animated and talented teacher he did have this problem with the FBI. They raided his house after tracking the enormous ammounts of kiddie porn he was buying from eastern europe. Yep. He was a fave...
whoa. sounds like he was a very *ahem* hands on teacher.
Seriously, the school thought that story was upsetting and not okay for teenagers because of the masturbation? There are a million things about that story that make Palahniuk something best enjoyed outside of a classroom, and masturbation is nowhere freakin' NEAR the top of the list.
I'm all for free sharing of ideas in our schools and all NOT for censorship, but I'm also for English teachers having a modicum of common sense. Jeez.
Read "Guts". It's a sick, but awesome piece of literature.
And the System is more worried about the subject of masturbation?!
Wow...
Everyone commenting on how much of a waste of students time this is, you do realize its a short story right? As in, not a full book, more like a single chapter from a book, as in it takes all of 10 minutes to read.
This is sad.
It's not just a story about masturbation, it's a story about sticking a carrot up your ass, choking yourself and jizzing in a pool where your family swims. It's adult material, really.
me thinks mr. v is trying to be a little too popular. we'll see him again.
Did you guys look at all the cheesy photos on the FB group? I had to laugh at the one that said, "Bring back King V. The best english teacher besides Ms. Posner". ha!
i'm chris hansen,why dont you have a seat right over there.
Sorry, Mr. van Voorhis, if you really want a more tolerant school environment, go back to Holland.
The story is extremely graphic. As much as it is good that he is pushing their boundaries, I don't think it should have been taught in class (not even the AP class).
Recommended, yes.
Assigned, No.
the guy is a perv. there's nothing wrong with teaching HS kids about masturbation, but this specific instance just reeks of being totally inappropriate. can you imagine the discussions that would ensue??? "Lisa, why do you think the protagonist chose to use a carrot rather than another object, what is the purpose of the carrot in the story...?"
disgusting.
Maybe Roman Polanski can substitute for this guy.
Yeah, I gotta say that Mr. V had to have seen this coming from a mile away. Either that or he's not too bright. Of all the notable works to read, he chose that one?? Come on guy, give me a break!! Why not make them read Shakespeare?? (Or maybe a guy who invented over 1400 English words and who is the most performed playwright of all time is not brilliant or challenging enough for Mr. V.)
But honestly, I give an F to the school principal who failed to read Mr. V's lesson plans!!