Ass Bombs: The New Horrible Thing to Fear

In a harrowing report, CBS introduces us to yet another thing to dread and fear, courtesy of that innovative R&D team at Al Qaeda: Rectal bombs. It's been revealed that an Al Qaeda operative, who last month tried to assassinate Saudi Arabia's counter terrorism chief, detonated explosives in his butt. Abdullah Asieri had arranged a meeting with Prince Mohammed Bin Nayef to talk about a truce, but it was just a ruse to get close to him with his exploding ass.

Asieri was able to get past two sets of airport security, including metal detectors, and spend 30 hours in the close company of the prince's own secret service agents, before detonating the bomb during his meeting with Nayef, who was slightly injured. Naturally, the airport screening process is about to get a whole lot more invasive, unless the TSA just decides to ban assholes entirely. Here's CBS's report:

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By John Del Signore in News on September 30, 2009 5:28 PM

Comments [rss]

billbaird

Assbombing! So what your point?

Mr. Shankly

Travelling as a brown person just got a heckuva lot worse.

Guest

Aren't they supposed to shave themselves bald before pulling shit like that?

Past Taliban

Now you all know what REALLY happens behind the scenes right after Nathan's hotdog eating contest ends.

tingo

That look on his face just screams, 'I have something ready to detonate in my ass.'

UWS

Is that what they mean by a dirty bomb?

Einstein083

Ooh. At least he can tell his 72 virgins in heaven that he isn't a virgin!

ha!

Einstein083

Rectum? Damn near killed 'em!

oi vey.

Potty Boy

Is there no end to all this jocularity?

keepdiscoevil

ASSASSIN!

Fbbbbbbfffftttttt.

ozik

Wow.

biked00d

Amazing. Islam forbids alcohol consumption yet does not proscribe putting objects up the butt?

Past Taliban

Indeed. If done in observance of the proper rituals, it's one of Islam's most moving ceremonies!

Matt Joyce

Jesus. I mean, it's sad to say it, but I wonder if he mooned them before detonating. It would make sense. You, know.. shrapnel would be directed like out of a cannon.

slny

That's a good idea.

Blast 'em with sh1t!!

Past Taliban

How come GW Bush never exploded?

ides_of_march

Cheeky bastards.

matty

CIA official: I see you were lying on your polygraph test about having a bomb.

Terrorist: I wasn't lying, but I did just pull it out of my ass!

HAHAHAHAHHA

matty

I guess you could say he had explosive diarrhea.

HEYYYYYYOOOOOOOOO

matty

Gives the term "atomic wedgie" an whole new meaning.

HEYOOO!!!

inoyourider

Dedication: Sticking a bomb up your ass.

slny

He looks like a regular brain surgeon.

hunter.blatherer

If they banned assholes from planes, the airlines would go bankrupt. And then we'd be looking at yet another bailout of a flatulent industry.

Snoopy

I guess the Saudi Arabian's celebrated over a cold glass of fermented prune juice.

Greg

Oh shit, you really should watch the cbs clip, the reporter actually calls this guy a "trojan bomber" I can't handle this.

Past Taliban

People were so angry they wanted to tear him a new one! Then he beat them to it.

Mr Mel

I guess the detonator was a simple "pull my finger".

Potty Boy

ROFLMAO. THAT is the comment of the day.

jibbly

Hahaha, I love this thread.

ed_Extinct

Simple: look for the guy walking funny like he just rode into town on a horse. An ethically treated horse from the PETA farm up the old dusty trail.

ozik

How the hell did the guy go for over 30 hours without pooping? Was the bomb made of cheese?

Past Taliban

These people are professionals. I heard they can completely control the dilation of their anuses to contract and expand at will.

movi

I can do that. Can't you?

hunter.blatherer

Opium.

Newt

14 posts and still nothing on "Asieri"?

PKinNYC

oh shit.

emilydickinson

Seriously, why would you fanatically believe in a good that would tell you to put explosives up your ass? Conversely, is that like bad deity humor.

Mohammed: "Hey, Jesus, watch this guy. I'm going to get him to shove an IED up his rectum!"