Plax Picks a Professional for Pre-Season Prison Prep

2009_08_longestyard.jpg Plaxico Burress is getting ready to for his two-year prison sentence after pleading guilty to gun charges by hiring a consultant to help him maximize his time while under medium-security supervision. His lawyer Benjamin Brafman yesterday told the Post, "We are consulting with an expert in the field who will address and advise us, Mr. Burress and his family, on what to expect while incarcerated, and how to use his period of confinement as productively as possible." Michael Vick recently said he was in "the best shape of my life" after being released from two years behind bars and signing with the Eagles. A Corrections spokeswoman said, "Due to his notoriety, there is a potential that he would be placed in protective custody. And those guys are held in single cells, with the exception of a shower, a visit, a medical visit. You're only out of your cell for eight hours a day." Corrections officials will likely be reminding their guards (and chaplains) to avoid any "Foxy Brown-style" celebrity treatment for Plax. Yesterday on his radio show, Mayor Bloomberg said he was satisfied to hear that the football star will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

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I'd recommend the one Martha Stewart hired. If he plays his cards right, a fellow inmate might knit him a nice pair of sweatpants.

He oughta Netflix 25th Hour (A Spike Lee Joint). And then get one of his friends to beat the shit out of him, maybe shoot him in the leg again for an authentic ghetto limp.

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