Bear Attacks NJ Man, Takes His Sub Sandwich

Black bears are well-known muggers. Nobody in NJ was ever mugged by a white bear.

White New Jersey bears are too loaded down with hair gel and tacky gold chains to catch anybody.

Probably because white bears have a bi-polar disorder.

No Gabagool on that sub? The bear missed out on a great flashback of Papa and Uncle Jun cutting a guy's hand off at the pork store.

Of course there was no gabagool. It was a northern Italian deli run by a bunch of Pakistani's. Lot's of them people out there in Jersey are third and fourth generation. They don't know from nothing when it comes to good gabagool.

The bear was a fool also. If he waited a bit longer he could've popped a nice fresh scammose with prosciut sandwich. With a some extra virgin olive oil and basil over a slightly toasted Italian bread and a small glass of regional wine. The bear's wife would have done some great things in the woods if he took a half a foot long home to her. But unfortunately he went for the common Italian hoagie.

And to think all day long the bitch was out there gathering berries (blackberries are in season right now) for desert and there he is chasing down a lousy $3.75 generic hoagie wrapped in saran wrap.

I'm sure glad I'm not him.

Well, that answers that question: "Does a bear eat shit in the woods?"

this has nothing to do with the article, but I've always wondered why such a large animal as a bear, has a small, little tail.

Humorous take on How to Survive a Bear Attack: http://www.howcast.com/videos/100020-How-To-Survive-a-Bear-Attack

Humorous take on How to Survive a Bear Attack: http://www.howcast.com/videos/100020-How-To-Survive-a-Bear-Attack

i love me some sammiches. here's a good one:

a fresh baguette

some fresh moz

hot peppers

onions

shredded iceberg lettuce

prosciutto

mortadella

salami

oil & vinegar

italian seasoning

serve with a cold peroni and some chips...delish!

If you look at the picture that is posted above, clearly the DEP is correct by saying the bear's shirt is not ripped, and the bear sustained no bruises or scratches after it was attacked by the Jersey Man.

That must have been a hell of a sub...that could be a new marketing effort are subs are so good bears will attack you for it.

"We serve ice cold bear."

Yes I can see the motto's now on some Italian "3 large pizzas for $8" joint out in Jersey.

"You can't bear to live without our delicious hoagies."

"Bear with us during our new expansion."

"We have a right to bear pizzas and hoagies."

"There is bearly nothing artificial in our hoagies."

"We are bearish on our hoagies."

"Please try our bear hoagie special."

LOL

If the guy got the hoagie with oil and vinegar rather than the mayo dressing I think he would have been OK.

I think when a bear knocks you down it's an attack, but the bear is starving so he didn't want to hurt the man, just take his sammich.

SAVE THE BEARS! SAVE THE BEARS! Doth sayest Felixthecat2, before he says it.

The guy should own up and tell his wife the truth. She sent him out to get an Italian Hoagie and he went to a gin mill, spent the hoagie money and got wasted on cheap vodka. So he's about two hours late getting back and he makes up an excuse that he got mugged by a bear. Even if he did. Why did it take him an hour to get up? Was the bear using him as a park bench while it slowly ate the hoagie?

Boo-boo was keeping watch for the fuzz as Yogi took the loot

DEP is correct.

It wasn't a bear attack.

It was a bear mugging.

Bears don't want iPhones, do they?

"large cut on his left temple and several deep bruises on his knee, elbow and buttocks." ... DEP deputy director Lawrence Herrighty said, "At this point, it just doesn't seem we will label this as an attack on a person. ... He has no bruises, claw marks or scratches or even a ripped shirt that indicates it was a purposeful attack by the bear."

Do these two statements make no sense whatsoever when read together, or am I missing something?

but those bruises were from him knocked downed and not directly from the bear.

The bruises are from when the bear tried to restrain the guy after the guy issued anti-ursine epithets.

At most it was a mugging and not an attack. bear just liked the sandwich.

It does make sense to make the distinction in recording it. The response should be different for an animal that has and presumably could again aggressively attack a human than for one that will simply run over a human who gets between it and some food.

"She said it's important to note that the incident has not yet been characterized as category 1, which is defined as the most serious of bear/human encounters, but also includes break-ins of houses, killing of livestock and destruction of crops."

So they're not saying it wasn't an attack, they're saying it (so far, as investigation continues) hasn't been classified as a "category 1" attack.

Just guessing, but maybe Category 1 would require that his injuries were directly caused by the bear (claws or teeth), but if they're caused indirectly by being knocked to the ground it's categorized differently.

I was thinking the same exact thing.

Look at his pic, if that doesn't qualify as an attack then that DEP person needs to get fired.

http://www.njherald.com/

I was thinking that as well. Gothamist is always so unclear with their writing it pisses me off.