Weekend Movie Forecast: Crossing Over, An American Affair

In the Book of Revelation, John describes his terrifying vision of a giant beast with three heads, "girt about the paps with a golden girdle," unleashing untold pestilence and agony upon the world with "a great voice, as of a trumpet." And so it has come to pass. Behold a pale Jonas Brothers: 3D Concert Experience, which the Times's Nathan Lee says "isn’t a movie so much as a devotional object, a kind of secular fetish designed to induce rapture...Submitting to the experience requires initiation into the teenybopper cult of the Jonas brothers trinity — Joe, Kevin and Nick — purveyors of innocuous, repetitive guitar pop and the kind of bland sexuality that provokes a certain type of teenage girl to wait 72 hours in the rain in Times Square for a chance to glimpse the godhead... If you’ve ever wanted to crawl into Kevin’s chest hair, this is as close as you’re likely to get without incurring a restraining order."