Armed Robbery in Midtown a Real Smoothie

The Jamba Juice at 5th Avenue and 42nd Street was robbed at gunpoint yesterday morning. The robbery was a case of (peach) perfection with cops arriving in time to spot the assailant, but not able to capture him when he fled as swiftly as a (strawberry) surf rider. During the robbery, two employees on duty were given a (protein berry) workout as the robber, described as a six-foot tall black man, (chocolate) moo'd them to the back room. He then cleared out the cash register and safe while he likely achieved a state of (strawberry) nirvana. Despite being armed, no (wheatgrass) shots were fired and the thief can now only hope for some form of immunity (boost) if he is caught.

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By Billy Parker in News on February 22, 2009 11:58 AM

Comments [rss]

missnake

This was (every flavor of) stupid. Not to mention (80 kinds of) trying too hard and (51 varieties of) something you'd see in a middle school newspaper. Did an editor even *look* at this before it went out?

eugottabekiddingme

spot on.

Snoopy

That was a nice bedtime story. A six foot chocolate black man huh? Was he in the shape of a cookie?

NannyState

Ask the Keebler Elf. He was doin' him last night.

radiatedchimp

Ya - as a former Jamba employee, that would have been an utterly terrifying experience. Thanks for making light of it.

charlesbklyn

This story of an armed robbery is not funny, in bad taste, and shows that some of new people moving to New York, such as this writer, are really out of touch with the sobbering reality of violent crime. Laugh it up, jerk.

emilydickinson

I thought that was pretty amusing, I'm always up for some word games.

Splicer

Can we please refrain from making light of armed robbery? I know there are many frustrated writers who have grown up watching South Park, Family Guy and The Simpsons but not every story needs to be snarky.