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ALL THE SINGLE LADIES: Are you single and a Morrissey Fan? Tonight head over to the Black Rabbit in Greenpoint for a Smiths Speed Dating event hosted by Dave Hill. "Whether you like the Smiths and/or Morrissey, want to meet someone extra special, or both, you should come. You could meet somebody who really loves you. Or if you don't want to speed date and just want to hang out that is cool too."
8 p.m. // Black Rabbit Bar [91 Greenpoint Ave, Greenpoint] // Free
LEARN: The Brooklyn Kitchen invites you to Invest in Gut Health tonight. "Join Chef Elise Maiberger as she demonstrates how to make the most popular drink in town...KOMBUCHA! Students will learn the history of the beverage, its health benefits, and will take their own batch home." More details here.
6:30 p.m. // the Brooklyn Kitchen [616 Lorimer St, Brooklyn] // $30
THEATER: Playwright Eric Bland has previously rocked The Brick Theater with audience hits Death at Film Forum and The Children of Truffaut. Now he's back with The Protestants, his new play about an eccentric rural Virginia family that's "one part The Royal Tenenbaums, one part Faulkner... When Scottie, the eldest, returns home from his NYC sojourn for the marriage of his chronically negligent mother, he discovers his biologically-ruined brother wilting, his emotionally-untethered brother firing, and his baby ‘brother’ Tippy becoming a woman." Sounds like a hoot; here's an interview with Bland about the show. — John Del Signore
8 p.m. // The Brick Theater [575 Metropolitan Avenue, Williamsburg] // $10
EVENT: Tonight the third installment of the Future of Music panel discussion will go down. This one features Harry Allen (moderator), Claudia Gonson (pianist/drummer/backing vocalist for The Magnetic Fields), Sadat X (member of Brand Nubian), Adam Farrell (head of marketing, Beggars Group) and Peter Rojas (co-founder of the lean and prescient record label website RCRD LBL). Refreshments will be served, more details here.
8:30 p.m. // Tekserve [119 West 23rd St] // Free
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I went to a Smiths speed dating night once. I thought I hit it off with one lady and made my move, but she rejected me. Now, I know how Joan of Arc felt.
Well, I've decided that I am going to go to that speed dating event tonight. Please, please, please let me get what I want.
This Smiths speed dating event looks like fun and I'd go out tonight, but I haven't got a thing to wear.
I wouldn't bother as that song is absolutely about being gay.
I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear.
I'm not the man you think I am...
And if you don't meet anyone you can always drink by yourself and write sad song lyrics.
there's a club if you'd like to go
you could meet somebody who really loves you
so you go, and you stand on your own
and you leave on your own
and you go home, and you cry
and you want to die
I went to this Smiths speed dating event and I met a nice girl, but now she's in a coma. I know, I know. It's serious.
A dreaded sunny day, so I meet you at the Black Rabbit Bar
Keats and Yeats are on your side
But seriously, I hope they take pictures.
now this might surprise you, but
I find I'm OK by myself
and I don't need you
from the new alblum. I love the smiths and anyone who likes them, but my gf would be mad if I went to this.
i'm a man of means (of slender means). Do they have any drink specials?
I know I'm unloveable. You don't have to tell me.
There is another world.
There is a better world.
There must be.
Oh, there must be.
Oh stop him before he sings that song again...
I am going to need selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors mixed into my drinks in order to cope with a Smith's speed dating event. That being said, SSRIs also prevent premature ejaculation in the unlikely event I would score at such a sullen affair.