No _____ on the Subway!

The warning seems clear: "Do not gamble against the closing doors. The dice will ricochet in a perfectly perpendicular trajectory and embed themselves into your person."

No being the second branch of the Madoff Family.

No "evil eye" to your reflected image in the subway window/door.

No Calder Kinetic Sculptures

Duh.

There's a more glaring error: the typeface isn't Helvetica Bold, the MTA standard. Helvetica Regular has a slight serif whose downward stroke of the "a" ends as a stroke to the right. The "[Pl]ease" shows the 'bad' "a."

No quadrilaterals.

Oops, see below Comment Below

I know, it really bugged me too. So much that I had to take a picture. Here you go: DoNotLeanOnDoor.jpg

No preaching triangles and squares.

my wife got it... No Brainiac

GO SUPERMAN!

No reinsertion into the Matrix.

No mental hopscotch.

No being the fourth Residence Inn in a six block area.

No nucleotide abstractions

No vomiting on self.

I think it is "no spitting"...I saw this on an E train home tonight, and walked through to a second car and saw the same signs there, in the same spots--pretty sure these are legit MTA-issued signs. The old E trains have signs that read "No smoking, no spitting, no radio playing," so it makes sense to offer a visual representation of those rules. However, this graphic could use some work!

Hey, on that subject (of bad printers), has anyone noticed on the N, R line at least, that the "do not lean on the doors" sign has mismatched fonts on it? I just saw that yesterday, on my way to 49th street station.

yes! I saw that last night on the Q train. All the 'o's where sideways* and one of the 'a's was bigger than the rest, it was insanely strange.

*I'm a graphic designer, I know when an o is sideways.

Photos please!

It's definitely the no littering sign, with extra lines. It's a mistake! someone messed up at the printer. That's why they look so legit. Because nobody checked before printing a zillion of them!

Ha! Some lazy ass is gonna get fired.

It's "Don't Even THINK of Littering."

No using your left hand to point to all the discrepancies in the proposed fare hike financial planning flow chart.

No microchip implanting.

No kite flying

It means;

"NO CONNECTING ELECTRICAL WIRES TO INNOCENT PEOPLE THEN PUTTING A HOOD OVER THEIR HEADS AND FORCING THEM TO MASTURBATE STANDING ON A BOX WHILE YOU SICK AMERICAN F*CKS TAKE PICTURES TO SEND BACK HOME TO YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER"

Hmmm, I thought they weren't coming out with these signs til next year..

No Spitting. And no littering. And don't even think about that idea of making spitballs, wiseass.

no six sigma

What goes around, comes around.

No thinking about littering.

By the by,

Reminded me of this: Please... No Windstorming.

Which was a sticker I saw on the F train in like 1996. I found a pic of it here

No boobs on an etch-a-sketch

this isn't news, kids. This is just a reminder.

No hitchhiking across the galaxy.

No using telekinesis to kill your self with Rubik's cubes.

No talkin geometry.

do not judge or compartmentalize fellow passengers. or at least not out loud. they're just trying to get where they're going, why you gonna be a hater?

No sending out three-pronged laser beams from your eyes.

Do not put metal in the Time Travel chamber with the bunny rabbit or the island will move.

www.forgotten-ny.com

No biting the style of Mayor Mitchell Hundred.

Isn't it "No Littering"

No extra long nose hairs with coagulated boogers on em...

A stricter interpretation would be:

No extra long nose hairs with split-ends and coagulated boogers on em...

No extra long nose hairs with coagulated boogers on em...

A stricter interpretation would be:

No extra long nose hairs with split-ends and coagulated boogers on em...

This may very well be (**serious suggestion**): No leaning on the doors?

using telepathy to steal passengers' wallets is prohibited.

i like this one

Best Interpretation Yet Zodak!!! Kuuudosss !!!!

I took that photo.

The stickers were throughout the car and did not looked super legit. Having made a few I know what unofficial signs look like - http://www.instructables.com/id/Look-Like-Your-Enemy-Create-signs-that-confuse-a/

I'm calling the MTA out on their B.S.

agh, I meant "The stickers were throughout the car and looked super legit." Anyway... you know what I mean.

but its totally the no littering sign with extra lines.

http://www.bridgeandtunnelclub.com/bigmap/citywide/subway/signs/index.htm

(scroll down)

MYSTERY SOLVED! Except, why the lines? but close enough. I can sleep again...

No Powerpoint presentations.

No trash talk

No SubwayNow ads.

No getting tortured on Cloud City.

(They won't even ask you any questions)

No Nazi's?

Correction: CYBORG Nazis

No inflatable priced Metro-Cards !!! Get your Shit together Transit Authority!!!

obviously it is referring to this incident

No three-headed ceti eels.

(KHHHHAAAAAAAANNNN!)

Looks to me like it means No plugging in to iPod, Game Boy, etc. Basically just pay attention to your surroundings.

no bad/misleading directions.

no using omega beams to vanquish your enemies.

Well, someone should have told Batman that last week.

Yeah, something along Omega beams, but I was thinking it's like "Don't beam into a mirror and then hit yourself."

please, no attempting to lick yours or others' armpit.

no fantasizing about eating human flesh and wearing a dress made out of skin.

Please No Projecting Your Geneology

No confusing signs.

No projectile vomiting.

NO READING THE SUBWAY MAP OR POINTING AT IT DURING TRANSIT. OBVIOUSLY.

argh! thank you

You are correct! Nothing pisses off more riders than having tourists crowd on top of you while they try to read the map on the wall, except smelly winos, of course.

aw that one is too boring

no thinking of your next sculpture project because you are just wasting your time and money pursuing your self-indulgent artsy fartsy dreams at art school

Don't lean your head against the monitor of the arcade version of Tron?

no shitting on people's faces

No not having genetalia.

NO READING THE SUBWAY MAP OR POINTING AT IT DURING TRANSIT. OBVIOUSLY.

No Auxiliary Percussion

no snitchin'

No taking photos of other people sleeping you fucking weirdo

No theremin.

Yes, agreed, but that's one complicated theremin. What's that third antenna for? Time travel? Does it come with a tinfoil hat?

agreed, winner.

Winner.

If you turn the icon on its side it reads "no ipods."

No putting the base of your newborn's baby crib mobile that you just bought at babies r' us in your mouth and then pointing at it as if to say, "look what I'm doing!". Keep it in the box and wait until you get home.

No self-critical awareness or introspection.

it means "Please, no visualizing flow charts or org charts"

or "No presenting"

No talking to yourself or invisible partners too loud?

No plugging the computer chip in the back of your neck into anything on the train?