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The evildoers of the MillerCoors corporation announced today that they will "remove caffeine and three other ingredients from Sparks alcoholic energy drink" after some people thought it was targeting youthful imbibers. "A coalition of state attorneys general had complained the stimulants reduced drinkers' sense of intoxication and were marketed to young drinkers." The other ingredients being removed are taurine [i.e. bile], guarana and ginseng. NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo said this measure "will ensure that from here on out, these drinks are kept off New York shelves and away from New York consumers." The remaining Sparks will be sold (stock up!) and the company will cease production by January 10th, when a new, less-stimulating formula is dispensed. So feared is the old Sparks that one temperance crusader at the Center for Science in the Public Interest even declared it "a devil's brew." Sinners! Pour out your Satanic Sparks and open your mouths to the cleansing waters of non-energizing drinks. Or just clean the bathtub and start concocting a homemade recipe to get you through. Photo from author's personal collection.
R.I.P. Old Sparks, We Hardly Knew Ye Well
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It's the same media that NEVER mentioned Muslims' hatred of Israel as a possible motive for 9/11.
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Fizzle
i just pour a 5 hour energy into my jack and coke now.
Ummm...what?
This is how Elaine must have felt when they stopped the Sponge.
I guess I'll have to go back to cocaine.
Just a matter of time before the nanny state nazis and food fascists start to target your morning coffee.
Take the "L" out of "Lover" and it's "Over".
That sucks man. Sparks totally picks my up not cause I'm a teenager but because I'm old and can no longer go out all night. When my friends make me I have one of those bad boys and I'm mr. endurance.
Andrew Cuomo must be stopped. He and Bloomberg will turn this state into boring-as-the-summer-solstice-day-is-long Montana.
no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And here is where Nanny-Staters and fundamentalist Christians suddenly find out that they have so much in common.
So what about red bull vodkas? Will those be outlawed from bars as well?
NOOOO!! This is horrible news!
This is so sad. Why??? Why must they take away our fun??
in defense of Montana it was the 10th state to pass medical marijuana law and it's so damn big, you can pretty much do what you please there.
That's okay. JOOSE had finally made it to NYC. It has caffeine, ginseng, taurine, and is a "malt beverage" just like Sparks in a tall can... and some people even think it tastes better (but it smells bad).
However, Portland and Seattle will never be the same for me without Sparks to have there when I visit. :(
Bile???!!!
In further defense of Montana, 10 years ago they had no speed limit. Also, 5 years ago you were allowed to drink a beer while driving. These laws were only changed because the federal government threatened to cut funding if the laws weren't changed. Montana is badass!
Also, sparks is sort of lame. I would rather have vodka-redbull or any type of coffee.
any type of coffee with booze in it, that is.
The bodega on Clinton St next to Cibao (Rivington St) has them in stock.
New School students should start occupying MillerCoors.
this is bullshit fuck ny lawmakers, trying to stop people from gettin fucked up quickly and making us spend more money on booze
It's incorrect to say that taurine is bile, and that is quite clear from the link you used (but obviously didn't read). Chemically it is in bile, but taurine itself reacts with other substances in the liver before mixing with other substances and entering the digestive system.
Saying taurine (i.e. bile) is like saying water (i.e. bile) or iron (i.e. blood).
Word, matty. But maybe the new formula won't give us the shakes at 6am.