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Last night Ashlee Simpson and husband Pete Wentz welcomed a baby boy into their lives, and in turn, all of our lives. You didn't think these two would give this little guy a normal name, did you? Unlike many celeb couples who allow their kid a shot with a normal middle name, this one is just screwed no matter what way you look at it: Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Words fail. The proud pop explained the decision, with US noting that "his goal was to make sure his kid would have a moniker that would work as either 'a rock star or a senator.'" While Brooklyn Beckham hasn't seemed to tarnish his namesake borough yet, the Bronx may want to consider changing its name as a precautionary measure. And Staten Island better watch out, too—your name just rolls off the tongue in conjunction with "Spears," don'tchyathink?
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz Name Son "Bronx"
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nothing really rhymes with Bronx
He should name his kid Wilmette, IL.
We got your number, Pete!
Badonkadonks (there ya go.)
And when you put those initials together, you get BMW! Sponsorship, anyone?
Calling dibs on Staten Island!
Epic Humor Fail with this article.
It's THE BRONX, not Bronx.
That's why it's THE worst name.
now they have to live in the bronx right? or do rich white people only get to act tough by proxy and press release?
Merlin Bronques = official baby photog?
Maybe they think this ridiculous name will toughen up the kid, as in "A Boy Named Sue."
B.M.
Wow, Jenny from the Block didn't even go this far with baby-naming!
Upper West Side Soweto Wentz?
Jonas Bronck does not approve.
this is what happens when you let two dipshits reproduce
ugh. this will make going home suck.
it's still no better a name than brooklyn. if i were a teacher that kid would get the dunce cap because of his parents.
Are we surprised? These 2 are not the brightest bulbs in the tanning bed.
It sounds like something that someone would mumble while drunk. But with these two. . .
Flushing Meadows Wentz has a much better ring to it. Or Canarsie.
These kids fail at reproduction.
He's just Mowgli In the Ruckh,
His parents are fools who named him Bronx
-Kipling, PEACE OUT!
Actually, there's no "the." It's just "Bronx."
These people simple shouldn't be allowed to breed. Fast forward 15 years:
"Mom, dad, I f**king hate you."
In a few years Ashlee will be a single mother.
What kind of name is Bronx anyway?
They could have at least given him a normal middle name, but nooooo. Mowgli! Really? Isn't that a Jungle Book character?
Yup it is from the Jungle book.... tisk tisk. And technically shouldn't he be called "The Bronx"??
Yeh...I don't know what to say on this one.
how'bout Intercourse? as in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.
follow me closely on this one...Intercourse Bronx Intercourse Mowgli Intercourse Wentz Intercourse
This is not Gawker.
Why are the pretty ones always so dumb.
Revoke thier breeding license...
NEXT!!
Eh. The kid was already screwed with that last name anyway. Although I think they should have named the kid Coney. How about Gowanus? Bayside? Gravesend. Upper West Side. I got it: DUMBO! Wait, that's the parents.
Oh come on! Who would EVER want to name their baby "Wentz"?
Really..
Plus I guess 'Dumbo' is already taken.
Red Hook Wentz. Could grow up to be a boxing champ or a pirate.