COMEDY: Nothing says America like free cookies, condoms and lube -- all of which will be free tonight at Family Hour with Auntie Sara. The Patriotic Family Values edition of her comedy show will welcome Jamie Kilstein, Anne Neczypor, Diana Saez, Kambri Crews, Hilary Schwartz and Mike Drucker. The show is free, but like so many other things in America it's still gonna cost ya. Be prepared to buy one drink and one item off the menu to earn your seat.

Thursday // 7:30 p.m. // Comix [353 W 14th St] // Free

THEATER: A solo show now running at the SoHo Playhouse is called Life in a Marital Institution, and it’s hard to tell if that title portends an evening of laughs or groans. Can someone go check it out and report back? We’re leaning toward funny because the reviews have been pretty positive; Times critic Neil Genzingler reports “laughing too hard.” The hour-long monologue takes an absurd look at writer/performer James Braly’s two decades of monogamy; sample a video preview here. – John Del Signore

Thursday // 8 p.m. // SoHo Playhouse [15 Vandam St.] // Ticket prices vary

EVENT: "Sex workers" and politics go together like, well, "Sex workers" and politics. Tonight "a bunch of sex workers (escorts, dominatrices, strippers, hustlers, erotic models, and the like) get together to pull off a very sexy voter registration drive." Grind the Vote aims to get people off the stripper pole and into the voting booth. Don't worry, after November it's from the polls to the poles again.

Thursday // 8 p.m. // The Slipper Room [167 Orchard St] // $5

HISTORY: See a part of history this Friday as the Declaration of Independence is on view at The New York Public Library. Doors will remain open for a special viewing of "one of the nation’s great historical treasures, an annotated copy of the Declaration of Independence in Thomas Jefferson’s hand." Jefferson underlined a number of passages in this copy, showing which of his points were stricken from the final document by
Congress.

Friday // 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. // NYPL's Sue and Edgar Wachenheim III Gallery [5th and 42nd] // Free

EVENT: Rooftop Films and Solar One Present Unamerican Films and Live Music. As you might gather, there will be "free Drinks, live music, a fantastic fireworks view and explosive political films. A mix of the wacky and the weighty in contemporary America." The music will be provided by Titus Andronicus, Frances, and Aleks and the Drummer. There's an open bar from 5 to 7 p.m. and after the fireworks settle down for some short films.

Friday // 5 p.m. doors // On the pier at Solar One [23rd Street @ the East River] // $30

PARTY: Union Hall & La Cense Beef (grass fed!) presents a 4th of July BBQ with a delicious soundtrack to go along with it. The Sweet Divines and Brownbird Rudy Relic create the lineup for the night; the former bring Southern soul while the latter serve up acoustic blues with an edge.

Friday // 6 p.m. // Union Hall [702 Union St, Brooklyn] // $10-15

MUSIC: Mr. Brownstone returns to the stage before the real deal does this Friday night...and "the World's Premier GNR Tribute Band Promises Shock n' Awesome" as usual. Sean Greenhalgh does Axl better than Axl, so if you're a fan (and even if you're not) there's nowhere else to be on the 4th. They warn "its whiskey-soaked antics on our Nation's 232nd birthday. To celebrate, the band has promised to play for 232 minutes and drink 232 ounces of Jack Daniels. However, it is a well known fact that the band's promises are about as likely to see the light of day as Chinese Democracy." That Jack Daniels part will likely go down, however.

Friday // 8 p.m. // Bowery Ballroom [6 Delancey St] // $20

EVENT: The AfroPunk Festival kicks off tomorrow and runs through the 13th. Check the website for the complete schedule; the series includes some New York premieres, rare screenings of classics, live concerts, a skate park, an Afro-Punk Block Party, with DIY vendors and plenty of special guests.

All Weekend // Various Locations, prices

NOTE: Full weekend To-Do list after the jump! And if you want to hit the air conditioned theaters, here's our Weekend Movie Forecast. More on where to get your BBQ and see the fireworks coming up later.