Today the Times’s Frank Bruni destroys Ago (pictured), the new Italian restaurant in Tribeca’s Greenwich Hotel owned by Robert De Niro. It’s a savage burn, and way more entertaining than any movie De Niro’s been involved with during the last decade. Things go sideways immediately when the bartender unleashes “the Poseidon Adventure of wine spills” on Bruni’s lady friend and his party of four has to wait almost an hour for their table, which is “little bigger than a bike wheel… The table was pressed so close to a column that I couldn’t lower my right arm all the way, and if my wine-drenched friend leaned back in her chair, the column obstructed her view of me and mine of her.” With a couple exceptions, the overpriced food sucks too. Zero stars, fun read.

For Italian without obnoxious pretension, the Voice’s Robert Sietsema heartily recommends Fiore, a new addition to Grand Street in Williamsburg. “The prices are very reasonable, the portions passing by are large enough to choke a horse… and the wine list boasts meritorious obscure bottles at extremely modest mark-ups.”

Danyelle Freeman gets around to Benoit, the midtown bistro from superstar toque Alain Ducasse. The Daily News critic is not impressed by his airs here, and words like “flaccid” and “boring” are swiftly deployed: “Sadly, at Benoit tradition also tastes like cold, lifeless French fries or poached asparagus in a vapid vinaigrette. You can find excellent bistro food all over New York in a less formal atmosphere.”

In the Sun, Paul Adams toasts the happy marriage of Japanese and Italian cuisine at two restaurants, Greenwich Grill and Moco. New York Magazine digs three newish Brooklyn pizzerias: South Brooklyn Pizza, Toby’s Public House, and Gothamist-endorsed Roberta’s. And the Post’s Steve Cuozzo hips readers to the best lunch specials at the city’s fanciest restaurants.

Photo of Ago courtesy Ryan Charles.