May 19, 2008
Wookie Can't Force Missed Connections
With straphangers desperately seeking another Patrick Moberg and Camille Hayton story to warm their commuting hearts (don't deny it), the boys at Zoomdoggle are stepping in to force their own missed connections. Their solution to finding love in the big city boils down to a Wookie suit, pensive stares and an occasional smile.
Sadly, the efforts of the Wookie, ex-MTV Road Ruler/writer/photographer Jake Bronstein, led nowhere -- as not one person he encountered in the suit was intrigued enough to leave a Craigslist note. New York can be heartless at times, but here are some other things he learned that day:
- The world seems to be divided into two camps: Those that want to talk, and those that would rather not.
- Personal hygiene is of the utmost concern to more New Yorkers. I heard “conditioner” and “split ends” jokes at a rate of around one every ten minutes.
- The police in Williamsburg (who can currently be found on every corner for reasons unknown) are surprisingly good-sports about being crept-up on by Chewy. Shock and awe quickly gives way to laughter. Weapons are never drawn.
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Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a wookie from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about that; that does not make sense! Why would a wookie, an 8 foot tall wookie, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two foot tall ewoks? That does not make sense!
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#1 -- Yeay! The Chewbacca Defense! As an attorney, I've always wanted an opportunity to use the Chewbacca Defense in court, but alas, I have yet to have a Wookie client. This could have been my chance...
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hahaha. Funny stuff.
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um, actually jen, i think you're the only one who cares about another moberg/hayton story. i had long forgot about those morons until you brought them up again.
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I think Jen was being sarcastic.
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Ohhh, you're wrong there #4. I loved talking about the subway love story with my precious moments figurines and my many cats.
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Jen loved that story because it generated a whole lot of hits on the site.
And the cops didn't shoot this guy because he isn't black.
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Where's Boba Fett when you need him?
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The patrick moberg stories were a black eye to this only somewhat legitimate website.
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he should have ridden the train north. They love whacky, attention whore white boys in Pelham..
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it's peter mayhew's birthday.
what a present.
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I find his lack of creativity disturbing.
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This dude is a douche. he doesn't care about love. all he cares about is getting some wookie on his wookie. You guys ever read that article he did for Vice magazine where he tries to sleep with a whole bunch of girls through Myspace and succeeds in sleeping with 5 lonely girls in a week and then writes about it? And he was such a whiny bitch on Road Rules.
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NOW where's that homeless guy with the steak knife?
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The only thing more pathetic than a guy in a Wookie Suit is an Ex Road Rules contestant. Looks like Sunshine hit the "Miserable Failure" lottery
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Wow, that.... that's very edgy. I mean, dressing in a silly costume and getting on the subway? In NYC?? Good gosh, this guy is really pushing the limits....
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sadly going on a date with this guy isn't worth the hype. trust me. he was the worst date of my life.
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and no. i wasn't one of those 5 sad lonely girls from myspace. and thank god for that.