SALE: The Cooper Union kids are hosting their first annual Yard Stimulus Package, or what the rest of us call a Yard Sale. Expect end-of-year, residence purging items -- from IKEA furniture to artwork to used books.

10 a.m. to 8 p.m. // Cooper Union Great Hall [7 East 7th St] // Free

READING: Augusten Burroughs reads from his latest, Wolf at the Table: A Memoir of My Father, tonight at Barnes & Noble. The humor from the author's book Running with Scissors is all but gone in this more serious tome documenting life with his abusive father.

7 p.m. // Barnes & Noble [33 E 17th St] // Free

MUSIC: Santogold hits up the Virgin Megastore this evening for a free set. The Brooklynite won't have to travel too far for this show, but soon enough she heads out on tour. Last night she was on Conan, watch the appearance here.

7 p.m. // Virgin Megastore [52 East 14th St] // Free

BENEFIT: The American Symphony Orchestra premieres Glen Roven’s The Runaway Bunny tonight, with narrator Brooke Shields and solo violinist Ittai Shapira. The benefit proceeds will go towards the Schneider Children’s Medical Center of Israel. "Taking the audience through the journeys of the wayward bunny, this special one-night only, star-studded concert introduces both children and adults alike to the beauty and power of classical music."

7:30 p.m. // Stern Auditorium at Carnegie Hall [corner of 57th St and 7th Ave] // $50 to $100

THEATER: Eric Davis – beloved for his side-splitting Red Bastard performance routine – has revived his acclaimed Bouffon Glass Menajoree, an irreverently twisted parody of Tennessee Williams’s classic play. “Employing this time-honored tradition of undermining the establishment through verbal and physical satire, Bouffon Glass Menajoree is a satire not only of traditional American theatre, but of American society, the family unit, and the audience themselves.” Garrett Eisler, critic and Playgoer, calls it “hilarious.” – John Del Signore

10:30 p.m. // The Green Room at 45 Bleecker Street // Tickets cost $12

The listed events were chosen by Gothamist and brought to you by the 2009 Toyota Corolla.