April 23, 2008
Surviving the Subway with Subivor
Scaremongering just hit a whole new level underground, with Subivor -- the subway survival kit. The website (after a short video montage of all the ways the subway will ultimately become your tomb) warns straphangers:
Dear Subway Commuters,And there's always Al Qaeda, who while not mentioned in their text, is all over that aforementioned video. So how do you survive fires, terrorism and Cloverfield monster attacks while underground? The kit includes:Did you know that there are hundreds of subway related fires that occur each year?
Did you know that there are 27,817 structural fires that occur each year, that's an average of 2,318 per month?
- SURVIVAL MASK disposable anti-fog facemask, protects against Toxic Smoke,Concrete Dust, Debris, Radio Active Dirty Bomb - radio - Active particle matter, Biological / Epidemic (e.g Influenza, Small Pox, and Dry spores (e.g. Anthrax Contaminants)
- 3 1/2 inch Flashlight
- 7 inch Orange Pry bar
- Silver tone Metal Whistle
- Orange Towelette Pouch
- Compact Bag
All of that security can be yours for just $27.99, and it comes in a black bag with reflector tape that's adorned in your favorite threat level color...or pink. And this lil' lifesaver isn't just being advertised online, they've also got cars (so much safer!) parking in the streets of Manhattan and Brooklyn.
Photo by Sam Horine.
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This part is really going to save the day: Orange Towelette Pouch
They forgot to include inflatable life jackets.
I prefer the kit with a full sized crowbar and a HEV Mark IV suit.
What, they're not including a map back to Ohio?
Papercutninja, you beat me to the punch. :)
cant wait until someone carrying this gets their bag searched and arrested for carrying that prybar with them.
:3 What kind of damage can you do with 7 inches?
According to their FAQ, "The SURVIVAL MASK has been tested by a certified independent laboratory and has proven to Filterout 9899.8% of Toxic smoke particles."
That's a very effective filterout.
I think my paranoia has reached critical levels. As I was reading the description I was like "well.... it kind of sounds like a good idea..." Then again MacGuyver could do anything that pouch is supposed to with a sweatshirt, some matches and a safety pin. I think I"ll go the MacGuyver route.
Never leave home without a towel(ette).
Or a neon orange crow. "This, officer? This is for popping manhole covers, prying open subway doors, and beating minorities."
And you can't buy a decent respirator with the proper filters for less than around $35. They're probably including a disposable dustmask in this kit.
That being said, I'm buying 8.
I remember once I was sitting on the train and there was a delay. The intercom comes on and the conductor says, "Sorry for the delay, the train crossing in front of us is delayed."
I shrugged it off, I was in no hurry.
A short while later, she comes back on and says, "We're sorry for the delay, the train ahead of us being held back due to a track fire." Being in a good mood and not realizing anyone else was looking, I looked down from my newspaper and had an overly-concerned look on my face. Immediately, she continued, "But it looks like they're going to try to get through it." The look on my face immediately shifted to one of admiration as I thought to my self, good for them, I hope they make it.
Then I looked up. The girl on the seat across the way was apparently watching and found this amusing. To this day, I regret not following that up.
These clowns have some sort of a front on 21st St/ 6th Ave, Brooklyn ... I see their cars there every morning.
Why does Subivor need a car? Wouldn't it make more sense to market on, I don't know, the subway?
what good will an anti-fog mask do you if you have 100 people on the subway trying to claw and rip it off your face? Pry bar or no pry bar (a sentence I never thought I'd ever write...) your ass is still toast!
It's missing the single most important thing: A gun with extra capacity clip for that a-hole in a suit who has a sense of entitlement. You know he will try to grab that mask off your face. You want to make sure you put at least two in his gut and then two in the head for that time that he shoved you out of the way to get a seat.
Guarantee that Aton Edwards is at least partly behind this company/product.
He's a disaster survival specialist whom I believe is based in Brooklyn. I generally like his perspective on things, though he tends to spend too much time considering natural disasters and not enough on the truly catastrophic things that would unravel the fabric of society: nuclear attack, biological agents, riots and of course zombies.
He also doesn't shy away from the fact that physical confrontation and violence will be unavoidable in any real survival situation.
@JMH - I'm guessing the subway doesn't want to post advertisements about subway disasters.
this is where the outer borough commuters get an advantage. since they're on an EL, they can just slip out between cars. But a folding ladder may help in getting down to the tracks.
I can't believe there are no condoms! When the end is near (or here) it'll be all about dope, guns, and fucking in the streets. (Woo-hoo, anarchy in the U.S.A.) And if it can't all happen in the streets it'll happen underground. Yeah.
might as well include a subway map!!!
the simple minded purchase this,
in an emergency, its gets ripped off your face
so i can survive instead of you
or so you can die
with the rest of us.
But La Leone, if the end is near, why worry about the consequences that a condom would prevent? Won't everyone just die soon, anyway?
":3 What kind of damage can you do with 7 inches?"
-Sakebalboa
That's what she said!