March 14, 2008
Forget Tampa: Crystal Strikes Out
Almost no hitter has been happier after a strikeout. Billy Crystal, who turned 60 today, had the opportunity to play for the Yankees in their Spring Training game against the Pirates yesterday. Leading off and serving as the DH -- he said it stood for Designated Hebrew -- Crystal got a piece of one pitch and chopped it foul down the first-base line. He also showed a good eye to work the count to 3-1, but then Pirates lefty Paul Maholm threw the comedian two cut-fastballs, and Crystal proved why 59-year-olds don't play Major League Baseball. To make matters worse, home-plate umpire Mark Carlson said Crystal swung at ball four.
“I can always say I led off for the New York Yankees. That’s an amazing feeling,” he said. “I don’t even know how to describe it. It was so intensely good.” He could have felt better if the Yankees had worn their full pinstripe uniform as opposed to that hideous batting-practice jersey. As it is, Crystal did get to play team for which he has rooted for his entire life. The Yankees signed him Monday to a minor-league deal approved by Bud Selig, baseball's commissioner.
As for Maholm, he seemed glad to avoid the highlight reels and ribbing that would have come had Crystal reached base. “It was definitely a little nerve-racking,” he said. “I’m glad I didn’t have to watch it every day, him getting a hit off me.”
Photo of Billy Crystal watching a foul ball he hit by AP/Kathy Willens
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Mmmm.Ohhhh.Yes.Yes!Yes!Yes!Yes!Oh God Yes!YES!YES!YEESSS!
I'll have the life he's having.
He should have crowded the plate and taken one of those cut fast balls in the kidneys for a walk.
He's in pretty good shape for being 60!
Remember when the Yankees used to spew all that crap about how they are so special and how their uniform really means something?
Now they let celebrities play for them and whine about catchers getting run into.
If Billy Crystal wanted to live his life long dream of being a Yankee, I wish I could have been there to really show him what it's like to be a major league ball player. I would have rode him like a pony. "YOU SUCK, CRYSTAL!!! CRYYYYYYYYSTALLLLL! CRYYYYYYYYSTALLLLL! CRYYYYYYYYSTALLLLL! CRYYYYYYYYSTALLLLL! CRYYYYYYYYSTALLLLL! I WANT MY MONEY BACK! NOT FOR THIS GAME, FOR MR. SATURDAY NIGHT!!"
The Yankees aren't a baseball team they're a media conglomerate for sale to the highest bidder.
I must really be cold hearted, because somehow a story about some 60-year old celebrity multimillionaire having his "dream come true" doesn't move me. It'd be a better story if they'd found some way to make some 10 or 12 year old kids dreams come true... but maybe that's just me.
Credit the Yankees at least for minimizing how much of a farce this was. Seemed leading up to this that he was going to play more, but as long as they felt they had to do it at least it was just one at-bat, out of the way early, and no time in the field.
I heard Crystal charged the mound with his walker.
Did they test him for the steroids?
Goomba: Crystal said that if MLB tested his, he'd be positive for Maalox. Perhaps the only funny thing he's said in a decade.