February 28, 2008
Dwarf Bowling on Staten Island Lands in Gutter
A dwarf bowling tournament planned for Staten Island bar Big Nose Kate’s has been cancelled after an unidentified scold alerted the media to the event, which was to be hosted Saturday by d-list celebrity dwarf minstrel Beetlejuice (pictured), an occasional guest on the Howard Stern show. In dwarf bowling, players take turns rolling a dwarf (wearing protective gear) on a skateboard down makeshift bowling alleys toward small pins. In exchange for his dignity, the dwarf/bowling ball earns more than $100 an hour, according to Beetlejuice’s co-manager.
As the dwarf tossing craze reached its zenith (or nadir) in the late ‘80s, then-governor Mario Cuomo signed a bill outlawing the activity. Beetlejuice himself was busted when one of his dwarf tossing parties was raided at a Long Island bar in 2002. Now the owner of Big Nose Kate’s has canceled the bowling after local muckraker Tom Wrobleski at the Staten Island Advance filed his report, which was promptly picked up by 1010 Wins and UPI.
Borough President James P. Molinaro was quick to denounce the dwarf bowling with his characteristic understatement: “In a civilized community, we can't say, ‘Let's roll with that. Let me pick a team.’ If we do, the Romans were saints compared to us.” Fittingly, the MySpace page for Big Nose Kate's suggests the bar would fit right in with Nero's Rome: “WE GOT THE GIRLS BLOWING FIRE AND WE MAY BRING BACK THE WATER SHOW!!! AS ALWAYS @ BNK ~ WE WANT ALL THE LADIES ON THE BAR!!!!"
Although he’s no longer hosting the bowling, Beetlejuice, AKA Lester Green, will still be on hand Saturday night. Judging from the website he uses to promote his bachelor party business, Beet is well paid to perform other acts, such as boxing, “being his crazy self” and, well, the photos on his Jolly Dwarf website speak for themselves. (NSFW or safe for anyone prone to depression.)
Photo: The Canon Rattman
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I thought for sure he was dead, like years ago. Didn't Stern even dedicate a montage to him for it and everything??
he's beetle he's as bad as can he knows he's the best
sikbug: you're thinking of another dwarf, hank the angry drunken dwarf.
I thought so too but I think it was Hank the angry dwarf who died.
Beetle has new teeth.
Ok, so he didn't win the genetic lottery, but at least he's doing something productive with his life...
Poor dwarfs. They can't do anything fun because the government decided debasing themselves is illegal. Next thing you know, professional sports will be banned because the athletes will debase themselves (steroids, playing for the Yankees, pimping the newest energy drink, etc.) for more money.
I just remembered I need a new can opener....
The United Nations Human Rights Committee has ruled that if dwarf tossing is illegal in a nation. That it is not a violation of a dwarfs rights to be tossed if they so wish.
It's a pity too. This was one of our country's great contributions to the world. It will be missed.
Be careful, he'll bust that ass in Puerto Rican...
"How long did it take you to get here?"
"Who me? About 10 minutes"
"But how long did it take for you to get here?"
"Me? About four hours."
I love that Gothamist is reporting on the Beet. Stern played a classic episode with him last week that had me laughing to the point of tears.
RIP Hank the Drunken Dwarf.
Fascists.
stay classy Big Nose Kate’s
The midgets of SI know how to party:
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/24/98008810_7c79c40a71_o.jpg
Howard: "Spell 'RED.'"
Beetle: "LMEPS."
Screw 'em, Beet's a happy guy!
Big Nose Kate's couldn't have bought such great publicity.
If you guy's love midgets, you should check out this funny blog dedicated to nothing but midgets and little people. It's called All About Midgets.
URL: http://www.allaboutmidgets.typepad.com
Lots of funny midget pictures, but hardly any photos of Beet. I found a few good ones of Eric the Midget, though!