February 15, 2008
At Wake for Love, Mourners Lay Relationships to Rest
Photo of Kathleen Horan by Bryan Smith
On Valentine’s Day eve over seventy heartbroken singles assembled at Brecht Forum to give the holiday a pre-emptive kiss off with a “Wake for Love." The star of the night was an actual coffin set up for the bereaved to toss unwanted mementos from their dead affairs; according to WNYC reporter Kathleen Horan, who planned the wake, some of the items sent to their graves included a wedding dress, The Bob Dylan Chronicles book and plenty of bitter Valentine cards made out to the exes. (Sample: "Have A Real Swell Valentine's in Hell!") Horan also reports “a great deal of flirting over at the cheese platter.”
Most of the mourners had come together through Horan’s website, Relationship Obituaries, where wounded lovers post obituaries for their desiccated romances. Horan got the idea after she took solace in writing her father’s obituary while simultaneously going through a heavy break up. The obituaries on the site range from very sad to sort-of funny, like the woman who blames the cause of death on complications brought on by an IN-N-OUT Burger:
When the burger was attained, V let J have a bite. She liked it. A lot. She took another bite. And another. V couldn't take it anymore. "Enough already!" He snatched it back. "Get your OWN burger!"
Those are good burgers, J. Other noteworthy causes of death on Relationship Obituaries include “her irrational need to destroy the relationship and be as unhappy as her mother”, “Nexus, Kingdom of the Winds online game became more important than the person in the room”, and “HE FORGOT MY 50th BIRTHDAY!!” Oops!
There is a short video from the wake here. Did you make it through V-Day in one piece? If you've got a relationship cause of death that can top those, let's hear it!
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I hear there was a separate event uptown for former husbands and boyfriends to dump maxed-out Macy's charge cards and Desperate Housewives DVDs into a giant vacuum cleaner with a nozzle shaped to look like a vagina.
this cutesy, sort-of-tounge in cheek "aren't we clever" bullshit is really starting to make new york intolerable.
THANK YOU NICK!
Tell me where you are right now so I can kiss that brilliant noggin of yours.
If reading about a party makes life intolerable, I really feel for you. You're a delicate creature who is going to have a tough time in the world.
i concur, nick and bxbrian.
and here come the OmFgZ sToP bEiNg So BiTtEr ItS jUsT fUn!!!!1111!!!!!~~~~ comments, but the cutsey stuff, i mean, really, enough, please?
I gather most of the attendees went home and cried themselves to sleep into their pillows.
I wonder ... is it significant that Kathleen Horan is wearing what appears to be a wedding band on the middle (not ring) finger of her left hand? Is this some sort of new custom to signify a broken relationship?
Any woman who would shout HE FORGOT MY 50th BIRTHDAY has got to near the breaking point to yell out her age that way to the world. Keep her away from sharp knives.
If reading about a party makes life intolerable, I really feel for you. You're a delicate creature who is going to have a tough time in the world.
lulz, that's not what the post said...
shes going to make a fortune